open letter from the one who let you get away

I know I'm not on your level and I have a ways to go until I can get there. I promised myself I wouldn't come after you until I could give you a 110% of what you deserve. I know you've done a great deal of growing and I can see the change in you. I was trying to keep up but somewhere along the ride I fell off the bike. I'm not going to step to you and interfere your greatness  because I know your not going to put up with me. I know what I'm bringing to the table does not meet your standards. So in the meantime I will go out and I will find women that have not yet found their worth and don't require much in a mate. their only requirement is that I show up and be a warm body in the bed next to them and in exchange they will cater to me and adore me even in my foolishness. With these women I don't have to do much work. I will convince them that I love them when I really don't.These type of women don't put much focus on  actions so all I have to do is show up say a few kind words make some empty promises and take what they are giving me. I will use them and fake love them until they either get tired or I get tired of faking. My heart will always be with you because your the one I love I realized I messed things up with you and I will always regret that but my inability to be with myself and take time to heal keeps me searching for and choosing poor replicas of you. I cant believe I'm saying these things but I need to be honest with you. for some reason my conscious always kicks in where you are concerned. I wont take up anymore of your time just continue to pray for me and one day maybe I can grow to be the man you needed me to be and that God designed me to be.