ARE YOU EMASCULATING YOUR MAN?

EMASCULATE :to make (a man) feel less masculine : to deprive (a man) of his male strength, role, etc.
: to make (something) weaker or less effective

Often times depending on their personality type  many women will choose a man that they eventually will end up emasculating. When a woman emasculates a man she strips him of his God appointed manhood. The mans role in the relationship is to lead, protect, and provide for his family and the woman's role is to be his help mate. For many different reason women don't know this or they do know it and they choose to ignore it because they want to do it their way. One reason woman don't follow their correct role in a relationship is lack of knowledge and refusal to be by herself. The woman that can't function without a man will oftentimes settle just to say she has a man.  This mindset will lead to you choosing someone that wasn't on your level from day one. Oftentimes its not taught to us that we should be equally yoked with our mates and then with this lack of knowledge we fail to take the time to study our roles in a relationship and for that we do things backwards and out of order.  This happens because you don't know any better. When a woman is raised to be  independent she is taught to make things happen whether a man does it or not. With this type of upbringing you tend to become self sufficient and aggressive and you adopt the "nurturing" spirit . nurturing women are usually kind hearted and very giving and although these are good character traits to possess you must be careful because this type of behavior attracts needy weak minded, selfish men. This is the man that's grown on his birth certificate but in reality he is a little boy trapped inside a grown mans body. This person is a easy target for emasculation  simply because he has no desire to be responsible he wants to live care free and not have any real grown up responsibly he has no desire to  lead protect or provide all he wants is for someone to take care of him so emasculating him is almost effortless and can sometimes be done without you realizing your doing it. Emasculated men don't have a say. Whoever is doing the most gets the most say in the relationship. A woman that takes on the role of the leader makes the decisions while her man follows. This is cute in the beginning but before its all over it will become a problem. When the woman realizes she's acting outside of her role she grows tired of being in control of things her man should be handling. This is pivotal moment in a women's life when she wakes up one day and realize she's growing and he's not and what's really bad is its all her fault. How? By needing to be in control and  emasculating him years earlier her focus was on being in control and  she never took time to realizes she picked a man that wasn't capable nor did he have a desire to be the leader of the household. In this situation its not likely that he's going change. Once you have emasculated a man for a certain amount of time its almost impossible to reverse the effects. In his mind he's saying  "Why should he start being a man now?" Why should he take responsibility now? Why should he pay for something now?". So now the woman is tired of doing his job and hers and she wants change. I regret to inform you change is not going to happen WHY? because his lack of maturity wont allow it.
First of all you must embrace the fact that a REAL grown man cannot be emasculated why? Because mature minded men already know their role in a relationship so a woman will never have the opportunity  to control him. Grown men take care of their families and have their own voice so understand if your man didn't show these grown man qualities in the beginning he's not going to start in the middle of the relationship .At this stage  one of two things will happen you will either continue to deal with it and be miserable or you will set standards and be strong enough to walk away if he can't comply. And when you walk away know that its NEVER a woman's role to be the head of her household when there's a man there with her. Learn from it and grow from it.
If any of this resembled your situation take a moment to own it and work towards making positive changes. Self reflection is the best reflection.

#1 Fools Chronicles 12 tips on conquering and dealing with foolishness

In life you will encounter people that think they know everything. In their minds everything they do is right and if they happen to do something wrong its never really their fault. These type of people refuse to own their flaws which in turn puts them in the category of being a fool. Why? Because there is no perfect  person walking the face of the earth and to think that you do no wrong is both simple minded and foolish. We all have flaws and we all can stand to be corrected  in some areas of our lives and its foolish to think your beyond correction. Those who claim to be the smartest oftentimes are smart where book knowledge is concerned but most often lack common sense . These are the ones who place themselves on a pedestal that there lack of common sense does not allow them to  firmly stand on. When you place yourself in a pedestal you  must be careful because you put yourself in the position where your unable to accept any type of constructive criticism. This type of behavior will eventually  backfire on you and cause you to  not only look simple but it will also stunt your growth. You can't grow if you think you have no faults. Sometimes God will  place people in your life to give you the constructive criticism  that no one else had the courage to give you and if you waste that opportunity to learn by becoming defensive and offended you will have missed a opportunity to learn something that could potentially help you along on your journey. Don't hate the messenger take that energy to do a self reflection look in the mirror and use what you've learned to move you from foolish to favored.

Emotional rollercoaster of regret(Part 2)

Emotional rollercoaster of regret
roll·er coast·er
Noun
An amusement park attraction that consists of a light railroad track with many tight turns and steep slopes, on which people ride in...
Verb
  Move, change, or occur in the dramatically changeable manner of a roller coaster.

The emotional rollercoaster of regret is a completely different feeling, on this ride  in the beginning when it begins to creep slowly upward the feeling is fear and terror your scared your heart is beating fast and very soon you know you made a big mistake by getting on this ride. What was I thinking about. You know you don't like rollercoasters but  the excitement you saw from everyone else's faces made you think this was the right choice. Maybe it would make you happy and excited. Never once thinking you hate the feeling of your stomach dropping and your heart beating fast with fear. The things that run through your mind is " I have to get off", " why did I do this" .At this point none of that matters because the ride has started and your already approaching the top. As you get to the top you begin to feel ill as if you may lose the chili dog you just finished eating. You are totally disgusted with yourself for even getting on this ride. You had been here before and you didn't like it the last time. You  ask yourself why would I do this to myself again? These are some of the same questions you ask yourself when you enter into a relationship with the wrong person once again.
As you begin struggling to find a answer it happens. The ride drops it takes a plunge downward going 100 miles per hour. You knew it was coming but still wasn't prepared for the feeling it gave you as you felt your stomach drop down to your ankles and pure fear takes over your heart. This is not a good feeling ,you never want to feel like this again. As the ride continues to flip you up and down and all around  for what seems like forever ,your feeling like your heart is going to jump out of your chest.  At this time you begin praying and asking God if he gets you off this ride alive you will never do this again. Your eyes are glued shut and you just want it stop. Suddenly without any notice it stops. As you unbuckle your seat belt you promise yourself your never getting on this rollercoaster again. The fear was so intense and that feeling of being sick to your stomach was too much for you to ever bear again so from that day on you never get back  on that rollercoaster again. This is the rollercoaster that you wouldn't stand in line for any amount of time to get back on in fact you will never even look at it again. This was it  you realize this particular ride did not make you happy in fact it almost scared the death out of you . In a relationship that's not worthy of your time, this type of emotional rollercoaster is never good for you. No matter how many times you go through it the feeling will always be sickening. You will never feel happy once it's over. In fact the feeling is quite the opposite . You feel regret, anxiety, and fear. Your all shook up and your mad at yourself for putting your heart through that turmoil. this was bad choice and you won't make that mistake again.
Life is like a rollercoaster it will start of slow and quickly starts to move at a rapid pace. Sometimes within a split second it will have you upside down. When riding this rollercoaster of life you have to stop and decide who do you love more you or them? If the answer is you ,you simply refuse to accept anymore of the pain. This is when you pick your belongings up and step off this ride and never get back  on again. If you've been on the ride for a long period of time it will take a lot of praying and even more soul searching to realize your worth and to decide that  you deserve better but once the light bulb clicks inside your soul you can exit without every looking back.
It's really just that simple.
Know your worth
Value yourself

The danger of investing in people

An investment is something people make in a effort and the hopes that something tangible will come as a result of it. When someone invests in the stock market they carefully watch it and pay close attention to their stocks because they are hoping for it to double and triple and make them lots of money. People that invest in a business will put their money into growing the business so that at a later date the business will flourish and the money will continue to grow. These forms of investment will sometimes bring forth revenue and sometimes lose revenue but the return on it if done correctly will be a good one. Investing in relationships carry the same connotation but affects your emotions in a different way. We must be careful when we invest in people. Unlike the stock market or a business people tend to pull more at our heart strings. A good parent invests in their children by spending time with them and raising them so they can be great adults this is a good investment and will have a great return if done properly. When we invest in romantic  relationships and friendships  we must be certain not to invest too much of anything especially in the beginning. Oftentimes the beginning of a relationship is exciting its fun your learning about a new person and you want to tell them everything about you and what you do. The problem with that is if you divulge this information too quickly you haven't made a clear assessment of whether or not they deserve to know all about you. Investing too much of anything too  quickly in a relationship can be a catalyst for disaster. Be it time, money, sex or just conversation the return on investing in something that's not worthy will not bring in good results. Women often make their mistake in relationships by investing too much time money and sex into men that never even deserved a second phone call. Women think that letting a man know that  she's financially stable and can take care of herself and him will keep him around. This tactic only works on a weak man. This investment is normally short lived because  once the novelty wears off even the weak man will walk away. When deciding to invest in a person the stakes are high. Once you've invested so much you begin to blind yourself to some of the things they are doing that you know are wrong and once you've invested so much you won't even care if what they are doing is wrong you stay because you've invested so much and you don't want to start over again.  Investing into selfish self centered people will only bring you disappointment and little to no reciprocity. Selfish people only have one person on their mind and that's themselves anybody else is just a pawn on their game of chess and will be discarded if you stop giving and doing things for them. Before deciding to invest in a person make sure you have seen the selfless side of them on more than a few occasions. The moment  you sense selfishness know that this investment will have no good return.
Investing time should be the main objective in the beginning of any relationship if your secure in yourself and you know your worth time is all that's needed. What you have in your bank account and what your financial capabilities are should not be the initial form of investment. Removing that will allow you to see the person for who they really are and to see if they will accept you  without those extra additives. Time is the key and time will tell you everything you need if the time you invested deems to be wasted that's OK at least you learned something from it and can apply what you learned to the next relationship. There's a big difference in investing time and investing money and sex. Money and sex breed temptation. Acting on it will place blinders on your ability to discern the person true intent.Your focus is now on the good feeling your flesh is feeling and taking your focus off what the spirit has to reveal to you about this person. When choosing to invest in a person make sure its a solid investment that will deem a good return because anything less than that will leave you your bank account and your heart empty.

The art of overcoming Bitterness

The meaning of bitter is (of people or their feelings or behavior) angry, hurt, or resentful because of one's bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment.

Bitterness is a feeling that derives from pain and hurt. There are many different reasons a person can become bitter. A bad breakup,unhappy living situations or living in a dysfunctional family environment are a few situations that can cause a person to become bitter. Regardless of the situation if not careful the spirit of bitterness can creep into the midst of your soul and create havoc in your life. Once bitterness has attached itself to your soul it will take a lot self reflection, forgiveness and prayer to remove it. Becoming bitter is not something we choose.When someone feels hurt or betrayed its a human instinct to become angry. Anger leads to ill feelings and ill feelings can bring on bitterness. Bitterness must be addressed and handled quickly because if left to fester you will become a person that will forever be stuck and no growth will take place. When someone hurts us we must always be aware that their actions have absolutely nothing to do with us and everything to do with the person that's inflicting the pain. This is the very reason why we should never allow the spirit of bitterness to enter our soul and if we should have a weak moment and it creeps in we should always rebuke  it immediately by praying and asking God to remove it. If not addresses in a timely fashion the bitterness will cause you to do things out of your character in a effort to hurt the one who hurt you. As the very popular cliche goes " hurt people hurt people" this reigns true in so many situations. Never exchange hurt for hurt because that in turn  places you on the same level as the person who caused your pain. Instead choose to practice forgiveness and pray that your heart be healed of all hurt. When you practice this the spirit of bitterness never has a chance to enter.
Ephesians 4:31-32 encourages us to leave all bitterness behind and don't mistreat or talk bad about people but to show love and compassion instead. At all times you should practice to be better not bitter. Being better allows you to more forward in joy and happiness and being bitter does quite the opposite. Bitterness breeds hate and having hate in your heart stifles you from growing. We should be all be on the path to growth and to remain on this path means saying no to bitterness and yes to being the best version of yourself so the world will always see your smile.

E

Ms. Desperate VS Ms Confident how to overcome Desperate Woman's Syndrome

When she reaches the level of maturity where she realizes that suffering from desperate woman syndrome will never get her Mr right she will have more time  available to search her own soul and learn how to love herself enough to find out that it's her spirit and her personality that will attract Mr right not her bank account....

Desperation is a trait men see in a woman almost instantly. Before the first encounter is over he will be able to measure a women's level of self esteem if he senses her self esteem is low the dynamic in which he treats her moving forward will be detrimental to her soul. Oftentimes when a woman's self esteem is low she tends use material things such as money and sex to hold on to a man. Most women by nature are givers so once a man realizes a women has low self esteem his plan is to get whatever he can get from her with no intention on truly loving her or providing any form of reciprocity. This is the reason why It's important for a woman to not only verbalized that she loves herself but  she must prove it through her actions. Confident women know that they are queens and queens don't need to buy men they just exercise self control  and they take time to get to know themselves so that when the man she prayed for comes along she's sure he was sent by God and not by the Enemy to just merely distract her from Mr right. 

When you suffer from desperate woman syndrome  you don't  take time to look at the red flags and heed to them because  your so sure your way works. You want to be in  a relationship so bad you miss all the signs that God sent to tell you  he was wrong and you continue to follow the enemies plan that was set in place to distract you. Once you submit to the distraction  you'll show your insecurities by chasing him, buying him ,and giving him all the information he needs to set up his plan to take from you until there's nothing left to take and once he's depleted you he will walk away and find another victim to manipulate. All women must come to the point when they realize they are powerful just by waking up everyday. Your worth lies in how you feel about yourself and once you know that you are worthy of the best you will no longer settle for less nor will you feel the need to have to buy people in order for them to stay with you. Remember your vulnerabilities are most  noticed when your acting  out of desperation. Users  will always take your vulnerabilities and use them to manipulate you and use them for their own personal gain. Make a decision today that you will not live a life of desperation instead you will practice learning the art of self control, patience and confidence for this is where you will begin to live like a queen is supposed to live and that's the moment when you attract men that are equipped to treat you the way you deserve to be treated this is confidence this is queen status......

When a man approaches a confident woman with high self esteem he will know immediately that the games he has played with ms desperate will not prove profitable with her. At that moment  the man will either accept the challenge of dealing with a real grown woman  because he's a real grown man or  he will back down back  and head back over to the thirsty desperate chicks. When he backs down its proof that he wasn't on your level to begin with and your ok with his dismissal  and little to none of your time has been wasted. Confidence is a attribute that every woman should strive for because its at this stage of your journey that you realize you are worthy of nothing but the best and you have the self control and the patience to wait for the one that will give you everything your heart desires this is when life gets good......

The dangers of looking back

On all vehicles you find that there are three mirrors that play major parts in the safety of your driving. The three mirrors that enable you to see what's behind you are the two rear mirrors located on the drivers and passengers side and then there's the rear view mirror that's located in the middle directly behind the windsheild. The three of these mirrors while very important in your driving journey are very  small in size compared to the windshield which is very large and aids in your ability to see what's going on in front of you. When driving you sometimes have to glance into one of the three rear mirrors to see if it's safe to switch lanes however if you keep your focus on that rear view mirror too long you will lose focus of whats happening in front of you and you could possible crash because you spent to much time looking in the rear mirror behind you. 

When comparing this scenario to your life  circumstances we oftentimes stay too focused on our past and the people and situations behind us. When you are growing sometimes you have to leave  some people and places behind you. Your main focus should be what's in front of you. Although very intimidating the future and what lies ahead always serves as exciting adventure. While uncertainty will play a part it's always better to look forward to what lies ahead especially if the past was not a exciting place to be. Our past will always serve as a comfort zone. The people and  things in our past  serves  as familiar territory and we can sometimes become  comfortable staying there because the thought of venturing out to something new is frightening and scary. If you look back too long and become too focused on the past you will tend to make it  a part of your future.  This should never happen because you will eventually end up crashing  in life  as you would if you were driving a car because you focused more on what was behind you instead of  looking at the big clear future that's in front of you. Focusing on what's ahead of you helps you to get to where your going at a fast pace . Constantly looking behind you slows your progress down and  it takes you longer to get where your going. When thinking about looking back remember the scenario of the car mirrors and remind yourself there's nothing good going on behind you and too much focus on that will cause a major crash in you getting closer to your destiny which it clearly in front of you. Philippians 3:13 encourages us to forget those things which are behind and look forward to those things that are in front of us for what's lies ahead is much more inviting that what lies behind. Looking back places  you in dangerous territory and it robs you of all the wonderful things that lie ahead. Do yourself a favor and never look back you will thank yourself later.

Matters of the Mind: From a Caterpillar to a Butterfly

Matters of the Mind: From a Caterpillar to a Butterfly: “One day she got tired of squirming around on the ground with the other caterpillars and decided to go through the transformation that was...

Matters of the Mind: How can she submit if he's not leading?

Matters of the Mind: How can she submit if he's not leading?: As I'm preparing myself for the next chapter of my  journey I often talk to God about my relationship status and he always answers back...

Matters of the Mind: " Ultimatum" the mistake women love to make

Matters of the Mind: " Ultimatum" the mistake women love to make: An  ultimatum  ( Latin :  the last one ) is a  demand  whose fulfillment is requested in a specified period of time and which is backed up ...

" Ultimatum" the mistake women love to make

An ultimatum (Latin: the last one) is a demand whose fulfillment is requested in a specified period of time and which is backed up by a threat to be followed through in case of noncompliance. An ultimatum is generally the final demand in a series of requests. As such, the time allotted is usually short, and the request is understood not to be open to further negotiation. The threat which backs up the ultimatum can vary depending on the demand in question and on the other circumstances. 

Never be in such a hurry to get married that you find yourself giving out a ultimatum such as " if you don't marry me  or propose to me by _______ I'm leaving".  The fact that you even feel like you need to say this is a clear indication that the man you so desire to be your husband does not have the same desire for you to be his wife. When a man truly loves you and is ready for the very serious commitment of marriage you won't have to say a word. The fact that you have to bring it up is a red flag that he either is not ready for marriage or he doesn't want to marry you whatever the case may be giving him a ultimatum will not end well.

When he's not really ready but too selfish to let you go you might get a ring but its only to shut you up so you can continue to satisfy his needs. Your persistence may get you down the aisle and it may take months or even years but one day you will realize giving the ultimatum was not in your best interest.

Men are hunters by nature they know exactly what they want. When marriage is what they want and they love you to the point that it's scares them to lose you they take the necessary steps to ensure that you don't go anywhere and again you don't have to say a word. Marriage is a covenant that shouldn't be forced. If one person in the relationship is not whole heartedly ready to get married at some point in the union they will check out. Again this could  take months or maybe even years . Depending on the depth of what your doing to keep them around ( sex, money,gifts) they will stick around but not because of love but for sheer convenience. Where real unconditional  love exists between a man and a woman  you don't have to bring anything to the table but yourself. The love will grow and a bond is formed and this type of bond is  never put together by forced interaction. So the question you should always ask yourself before giving a ultimatum is  "do I  really want to  be married to someone who I had to threaten into marriage"?

 The moral of the story is value yourself enough to know that you should never have to threaten or force  a man into marrying you the man that is truly meant for you will recognize you as his Queen and take the necessary steps to make you his wife.

How can she submit if he's not leading?

As I'm preparing myself for the next chapter of my  journey I often talk to God about my relationship status and he always answers back if you want a good godly man you must first be a good godly woman. Since I developed this intimate relationship with God  I've  been practicing the art of  hearing  from God so when he speaks to me in that manner I've accustomed myself to listening because so often we can be so intertwined in other peoples business we (I) failed to focus on me and what I  needed to change. During one of my self reflective moments I was lead to read the scriptures on being "submissive" because submission in my opinion  is one of the top five  killers of marriages and relationships. When you begin an attempt to follow God it doesn't mean your not going to sin and your not going to make mistakes it simply means that your making a effort to do things Gods way because your way was not working in your favor. When I googled scriptures on being submissive I was shocked at how much of the bible covered summision there are plenty but the first one that caught my eye was:

1Timothy 2:11-14 
Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived (by the serpent).and became a transgressor.(sinner).

I had to read this one several times before I could dissect it and decipher where it came to play in my life and this is what I came up with:
Now had Adam been a LEADER in that situation instead of being a FOLLOWER everything would have ran smoothly. But he failed to lead which meant Eve had nothing to submit to so she took things into her own  hands which is what most women do when they choose a man that doesn't have the proper  knowledge of how to or what is required of him to be classified as a leader. This is precisely why I desire a Boaz not a Adam. Adam was passive and  weak Boaz was a strong leader. Adams lack of leadership skills are the reason why  the woman are  making all the descions (Eve) and the passive man(Adam) just following and agreeing to everything  she says even if half the time its a bad choice. As a  leader (Boaz)he would know how to interject and show her a different perspective and together they would make good choices. And her ( Ruth) and  her husband(Boaz ) could live happily ever after.(Ruth 4:13).
See I'm learning that in order to  be submissive you must be connected to a leader otherwise submission wont play apart in your relationship and this is where women all over the world go wrong. When choosing to live the right way you must follow ALL the rules. So ladies  pay close attention to his actions and if he's not a leader lead your way out and be patient and wait for the man than can lead, protect and provide for you the way that God planned it.

Miseducation of Communication

The miseducation of communication

Mature mind V.S. Immature mind

They were familiar with one another. Some years ago they attended college together. They were both in relationships at the time so acknowledgement of one another was all they shared. College ended and they went their separate ways.

Fast forward five years. The infamous social media site connects them again. They chit chat about their lives and what they endured over the last five years and to her surprise they were both single. He learned that she had three children and he had four. She had been  divorced for two years and he had just recently parted ways with his youngest child's mother. The break up was fresh and she could clearly tell he wasn't fully healed from it but she stuck around making a mental note to not get her feelings to highly involved. He was a  sales executive at a local pharmaceutical company and his job kept him traveling to various cities. She was an entrepreneur and owner of two assistant living facilities and she also owned a boutique in Canton. While he traveled on business they did a lot of communicating through texts and talking. A few months went by and they had not  yet layed eyes on each other. When she realized so much time had passed and he had not made mention of a face to face meeting  she became concerned. She was so busy she didn't really put too much energy into it but it was definitely noticeable. She was at a happy hour one night and she invited him to join her. He came up with every excuse  not to be able to show up.That was the first and last time she would ever initiate a meeting. Some time passed  nothing changed , life happened and she had to pull away. 

Fast forward some more. 

Two more years pass and once again the social media giant strikes again and he's contacting her. After reading his message she thought to herself maybe she was too hard on him a few years ago and should give him another chance so she responds. A few inboxes turned into a phone call. That phone call lasted almost three hours. Once again they were catching up on each other's lives and surprisingly again they were both still single. He had made some life style  improvements and she had experienced spiritual growth. He shared his accomplishments and she congratulated him. His job still kept him away from home a lot so they picked up on their communicating while he was traveling for work. She started to notice a difference this time around. The last time they interacted they talked on the phone all the time however  this time around after that initial almost three hour phone call he had not called her one time.  He texted her every morning and every afternoon and night but not one phone call. The texts were very lazy with wording such as (gm, whyd, and hey) To a mature adult who's trying to get closer to someone  one word texting and no talking is  a unacceptable practice of communication .verbal stimulation is a requirement. 

AND HERES WHERE HE STARTED TO LOSE HER

Along with her spiritual growth she had also grown wiser and accepted her gift of discernment. She had a absolutely amazing relationship with God and her connection with the Holy Spirit was unheard of by most and creepy at times . She was more aware and had decided that she was dating with a purpose. She knew how to friend zone someone with no hesitation if this is where they placed themselves by their actions and lack of communication skills.

She knew what she wanted she knew what she deserved and she wasn't accepting anything less. As she was gracefully  strolling through her forties she realized she needed more from a potential mate than  random texting all day. Her mature mind required verbal communication.  The only thing was God had trained her to be silent about her needs because the man he was sending for her would already know these things and she would not have to teach him or tell  him how she deserved to be treated.She had learned from previous relationships that when you have to keep telling a man what he should do he won't be consistent with it cause it was never his intention to do it from the beginning. She learned that real grown men didn't have to be told how to treat a real grown woman. So she was not to be aggressive no matter what and she was to sit still and let a man be a man. If he showed to be incapable of that simple task then clearly he wasn't the one. So as she sat in silence and observed him he didn't seem to realize that her once conversational text turned to one words answers  to match his one word text. Now she's giving him what he gives her and sometimes it was no response at all. Still he didn't get it. He didn't realize she was shortening her text because she was tired of texting and still he never picked up the phone to call. She continued to answer his texts in the same manner. She prayed about it  and asked what she should do. The next day her usual good morning text comes through she responds and elaborated by asking what was he doing. To her shocking he was in town. The last time they spoke he was in Alabama. He never spoke of coming in town nor during any of his texts did he begin to plan their meeting. After all they had not seen one another since college and that was many years ago. With his persistence she had no reason to think he didn't want to meet with her. Why wouldn't he? He made it his business to communicate with her every day even if it was only by text. So here he was in close proximity to her and he had made no attempt at a meeting nor had he picked up the phone to call. The texting continues however she's slowly losing interest. She was instructed not to be aggressive so she never mentioned a meeting she waited patiently to see if he was going to mention it. Day one nothing. Day two nothing day three nothing. Still texting mind you but no mention of a meeting. 

HE LOST HER

She had decided she was dating with a purpose but yet she was entertaining someone who talked like they were interested but made no attempt to take the situation pass texting. At forty plus years she needed more than  texting. Now if she desired a pen pal he would have been perfect however she didn't desire a pen pal at this stage in her life. The aggressive her would have called him and  asked him why hadn't he made plans to see her or she would have hinted to him she wanted to be taken out but the submissive her wouldn't allow it. She knew the one that God sends her way is going to pursue her and all she needs to do is is be present open  and behave as a queen. If she has to initiate the meeting or mention it that's not part of the plan so she sat in silence and obedience. A few weeks passed the texts got far and few in between and before she knew it they stopped.

She was relieved because she didn't want to have to be the bad guy once again by cutting him off. She prayed and asked for guidance and what was revealed to her was he did like her however there was a fear somewhere that crippled him from moving forward with pursuing her past a three letter text message. If she had been persistent  and aggressive he may have done it but she was instructed not to be and what that proved was he wasn't ready. This didn't make him a bad person it just means he's not ready to deal with her on a dating level and the level of communication that someone her age requires. Pen pal yes potential mate no. She didn't feel like she had lost as she had once felt in the past. She actually felt liberated that not only had she followed the path that was set before her by the Holy Spirit but that she stayed obedient and true to herself. She straighten her crown patted herself on the back and walked away with her dignity still in tact.

ITS JUST THAT SIMPLE

Once you figure out  what you want and what  you don't want and what you will tolerate and what you won't tolerate the quicker you can rule out the undesirables and make yourself present for the person that get it and understands you .

She finally abdicated the old her and was proud owner of the new and improved her. she now  knows her worth.

From a Caterpillar to a Butterfly

“One day she got tired of squirming around on the ground with the other caterpillars and decided to go through the transformation that was required to become a beautiful butterfly. “~Coach Danielle

When a caterpillar is transforming to become a butterfly it goes through a life cycle and complete metamorphosis. One day, the caterpillar stops eating, hangs upside down from a twig or leaf and spins itself a silky cocoon. Within its protective casing, the caterpillar radically transforms its body, eventually emerging as a butterfly. If disturbed before the process is complete it will hinder its transformation. This theory holds true when a person is changing to a higher level of spirituality and maturity. As with a caterpillar we start off at a certain level. Once we have outgrown that level and are being pushed to grow we go through a transformation often this means pulling yourself away from the world get still and quiet and allow GOD to place you into a new level of growth. The caterpillar enters into a cocoon and while in there it enters a dark quiet place where it begins its transformation into a beautiful butterfly. When we go through this transformation people think we are acting funny they think we are distancing ourselves because we think we are better than them when in reality it has absolutely nothing to do with them. When you’re tired of living the same mundane life that’s not producing any fruit and you make the powerful choice to change for the better understand everyone will not be on board with the new you.  Your celebrating your growth and they are secretly and sometimes openly hating on your growth why?  Some people are content with their lives not moving forward or growing and they are even more content when you stay stuck right beside them. Understand that once you enter your cocoon and begin your transformation there is no turning back. And no matter how many times you try to lower yourself back down your wings won’t allow you to stay down there long.  Butterflies never go back to being caterpillars once they receive their wings their journey is to fly high for the duration. If your fellow caterpillars are not ready or equipped to join you in their own cocoon know that once you emerge from your cocoon you’re no longer compatible with them anymore and they won’t like this. When God realizes they are no longer 
equipped to handle you he will remove them. Everyone  is not mentally equipped to embrace the fact 
that you've changed and matured and it’s okay it doesn't make them a bad person it just means they still have some growing to do. When you realize this set them free allow them to look for their cocoon and once they get their wings you can fly together.

Free your mind

When you begin to think about your own protection you must make the decision to study and gain knowledge on how to overcome your mind. You must learn how to fight the unwanted thoughts that enters your mind daily. As committed as I was to rid myself of these unnecessary thoughts they just wouldn't go anywhere so I prayed and asked God for guidance and he sent me on a worldwide Internet search of the  issue that needed to be conquered and in that research I found the perfect information to sum up why I was operating in this wrong mindset.  I learned  it was perfectly normal way to feel for what I had endured but if I wanted to be free from it  I had to abide by the rules set to deal with this particular situation and if I didn't  I would forever be trapped. It was then I made the decision to put on my big girl panties and release myself from the torment that attempted to plague my thoughts. All the information was there all I had to do was abide by it listen to it and do it but how could I do this??? I was dedicated to trying to figure it out and fix it. I would have to relinquish my control and give up the need to figure it out. In my need to be released from being a control freak I did a self reflection and realized having control makes us  feel powerful. I later found out that the thought derived from a wrong mindset  it was all false and  there was no truth to that. In reality I had power anyway  and  as long as I stayed connected to the situation the longer I was held in bondage. The toxic situation was designed to keep me attached. Letting go and removing myself was the only option. Once I embraced that notion my mind was free. Free from any misconceptions, manipulations and lies that we're being fed to my soul.  I passed the torch on to the next set of victims that would endure the mind manipulation and while I was told I couldn't warn them I pray daily that they would soon open their eyes and free themselves too. In the meantime I had to work on keeping my mind free because after all a free mind  is a peaceful and wonderful existence.  When you chose to free your mind understand that  all will not be  perfect  and all needs wont always be  met when you want them to however  the freedom of knowing you have complete and utter control of your mind  your 
body your soul and your spirit is worth the sacrifice. Make the decision to become extremely focused on creating a better peaceful life for yourself and your loved ones. Freeing yourself from the bondage of other people's foolishness is the most liberating feeling you will ever experience try it I promise you won't be disappointed

Matters of the Mind: Bury the illusion. (excerpt from the Love Lust a...

Matters of the Mind: Bury the illusion. (excerpt from the Love Lust a...: Sometimes you have to make people dead in your head. This doesn't mean you wish mortal death upon them or that you harbor hatred or un...

Bury the illusion. (excerpt from the Love Lust and Redemption sequel)

Sometimes you have to make people dead in your head. This doesn't mean you wish mortal death upon them or that you harbor hatred or unforgiveness towards them. It simply means the person you thought they were either no longer exists or never existed. Oftentimes when people show us who they are instead of believing them and fleeing when it's not to our standard we stick around and try to fix them and or change them and this will always result in failure and loads of unnecessary frustration.during that time of "sticking around" we create a illusion in our mind that if we continue to treat them good they will eventually reciprocate and love you the way you love them. This false illusion will keep you trapped  and you stay longer than you should. Once you realize the person can't be fixed and probably doesn't want to be you then have to embrace that the person you thought they were never really existed. Therefore they are dead. Once the relationship or friendship becomes toxic and unhealthy you must let them go to retain your sanity. Deeming them dead in your head just relieves you of having any type of expectation or thought of entertaining them. When a thought of them enters your brain you simply whisper dead and carry on with your day. Place all feelings you had for them in the coffin and bury them with all the rest of the rubbish that came along with their existence in your life.


 

Friend or Foe?

Often times people enter our lives with  good intentions on being our friend. In the beginning the friendship is balanced and your equally behaving as friends behave. Once months and years go by the friendship encounters certain trials and tests such as any other relationship you enter into to. The only difference between tests and trials in a friendship compared to a marriage, a parental relationship or a relationship with your child is you’re not actually tied in any way to your friends. They are people that entered your life with an intention of gaining your trust as well as treating you in a manner in which feels good to your spirit. Therefore the loyalty  must be earned and not given.

 You will encounter many different types of friendships on your journey so you must be aware of the types of people you’re allowing into your circle and calling a friend. If you have a person that you consider a friend but they are only happy with you as long as everything is going smooth and everyone's happy with what's being said and being done. However the moment one person says or does something that’s not pleasing or in accordance to how the other person wants them to act the friendship then sufferers. These people are called "fair weather friends" they stick around for all the good that's comes with the friendship but the minute something doesn't go their way they are mad angry and not very friendly. When you recognize a person as being "fair weathered” be careful what you reveal to them and how much of your time you spend with them because these type of friendships don't normally work out in your favor. If you’re not constantly appeasing them they will eventually turn on you.

 The other type of friends you must be careful with are the "drama inciters" these are the friends that always keep trouble stirred up. In the beginning you may mistake it as they are loyal and protecting you. Anything that comes up that they think can be tied to your feelings and as a result will have you "In your feelings "they rush to tell you. Maybe they saw your ex out with another person and they snap a picture of them and send it to you or they rush to call you  just call to say "girl guess who I just saw?" In Reality does it really matter that you ex was out with another person? They are your ex for a reason which means it's none of your business or concern what they are doing. This my friend is not a real friend. Real friends never bring back information that is pointless and  has nothing to do with your current situation. The drama inciters are dangerous because they come off very strong and overly nice with the intention to lure you in and this sometimes can be mistaken for being a "good person". In most cases they suffer severely from low  self-esteem. They may outwardly carry themselves in a  confident manner but their insides are plagued with low self-esteem so they cling onto a confident person with high self-esteem in a dysfunctional way of trying to balance themselves out. When you run across these type of people you have to decipher whether or not they are a friend or just a fan. A friend sticks it out with you no matter what. If the two of you disagree about something you  will agree to disagree and the problem is resolved. If you currently  have people who are still  holding on to grudges harboring unforgiveness  and or attempting to hurt or slander your name in the process this person is a Foe not a friend. The foe is the one who cheers you on for your accomplishments but never participate in any of the celebration. Why? Because they are internally envious of you because you have accomplished something. Either they have accomplished nothing or they are not where they want to be in their lives so they are in capable of being happy for you. The fan will shout to the rooftop about how special you are to them but will turn on you when you don't behave in a manner that's satisfying to them. These type of people should be handled carefully and with a long handled spoon because their eagerness to cheer you on can be heavily mistaken for true genuine friendship. If you are a person that is constantly making positive changes and on the road to living a right life be careful who you connect to. The peacefulness of your journey is greatly determined by the people you connect with. Make sure you are connecting with true friends and not just mere fans. You will know the difference by the way they treat you when you’re up and their down as well as how they treat you when your elevation no longer allow time for you to give them the attention they crave to make themselves feel better. When your elevating to new higher levels in life always be aware that new levels being new devils and don't be surprised if the devil is securely wrapped up in someone you thought was a true friend. Now go evaluate your circle and determine who's a FRIEND and who's a FOE.