Wednesday, October 29, 2014

EMOTIONAL STABILITY

                                                 
When a house is being built it's the foundation that keeps it standing and sturdy .without a firm foundation the house will always be in danger of collapsing. Would you purposely move into a house that you know doesn't have a firm foundation and could collapse at any time? No so the same holds true for people that are emotionally unstable or emotionally unavailable. If you meet someone and they are needy, clingy, always demanding your full attention at all times and gets angry when you don't answer them right away or call them back right away and most important red flag is they can't be by themselves. These are all red flags that the person is emotionally unbalanced. This doesn't make them a bad person it just makes the emotionally unstable which will eventually either drive you crazy or the relationship will just break apart like the house without firm foundation.
Emotional stability should be at the top of your "nonnegotiable list" some things when it comes to relationships should be nonnegotiable meaning if they aren't emotionally stable you shouldn't waste your time with them. Emotionally instability causes a person to constantly seek validation from every one they come in contact with and sometimes depending on the severity of it they will stop at nothing to get the attention they are seeking and they will take it from whoever is willing to give it out. This is why it's very important that you evaluate people before allowing them to get too in tangled in your personal space. Sure they may be nice and they may have charming complimentary words that they speak but if they prove to be unstable emotionally they will eventually suck all the good energy right out of you. They are constantly calling you constantly needed you to tell them they look nice and constantly needing your praise for every little thing they do. Their life is not complete unless you’re paying them some attention.
Have you ever heard anyone say "I can't breathe without them"? What do you mean you can't breathe? You came into this world breathing without them. That's a classical statement made by unstable people. You’re a grown adult and you’re putting out to the universe that if you can't be with this one particular person you can't function and it's a billion other people in the world.  If that doesn't scream unstable what does? Oftentimes we see these type of red flags in our mates and we tend to ignore them because that person is doing something to fulfill a need .Never mind that eventually if gone untreated or not addressed this person can potentially be the cause of your downfall if they don't get a hold of their emotions. This does not only apply to romantic relationships it also applies to friendships as well. When entering any type of relationship make sure the person you’re in relationship with is capable of dealing with themselves when no one else is around. The constant neediness and draining will take you on an emotional roller coaster that may never stop. When faced with this type of person just ask yourself "would I move into a house whose foundation was not stable? You’re emotional stability plays a huge part in each and every relationship you enter into if you or someone you’re in close relationship with shows any of the traits listed encourage yourself or them to do a self-evaluation and see what's causing the imbalance so that you may use that information to build a bridge and get over it.

An emotionally healthy person makes a great friend/ mate.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Levels of Esteem


                                            

Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self.

Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself and how you feel about yourself sets the tone of how you conduct yourself in all of your relationships. There are three important levels of self-esteem. There is NO self-esteem, LOW self-esteem and then there’s where we all should strive to have HIGH self-esteem.

A person with no self-esteem deems themselves worthless to others unless they are doing something extreme to keep others attention fixated on them. No self-esteem means you don’t value yourself as a good person unless you’re satisfying someone else. You may be dealing with issues concerning your looks or your weight or maybe you were abused in some kind of way be it physical or verbally and that abuse made you feel unworthy. People that suffer from no self-esteem always have to go to the extreme in everything they do. If they are well off financially they go overboard with buying things. They flaunt their money to get attention and recognition and to make people like them. In a romantic relationship a man that’s an opportunist will cling to the woman with no self-esteem because he will always benefit from having her around. She will be so busy “BUYING HIM” or sexing him she won’t even realizing he’s using her for his own personal gain.

The next level of esteem is LOW self-esteem. This is not as bad as having no esteem. People with low esteem won’t go to the high extremes as no self- esteem however they still don’t hold themselves to a high regard. Low self-esteem makes you settle for much less than you deserve. People with low self-esteem fail to defend themselves in situations because they don’t think they deserve the very best. In relationships this can be problem because manipulative people can pick up very easily on those that have low and no self-esteem. They feed off this and take advantage of such people. Having low esteem is projecting to the world that you’re just gliding through life with no self-worth and that they can treat you any kind of way because you don’t recognize your own worth. The way you feel about yourself projects to others how they can treat you. If you talk bad about yourself why would anybody else talk good about you? You will never live to your full potential or get what your heart desires having no or low self-esteem. If any of this applies to you embrace that you’re in this situation and pay close attention to the next section for it will help you raise your esteem from no to high.

High self-esteem shows that you think of yourself in a high regard. You have pride in yourself and you believe you deserve nothing but the best. Living with high self-esteem allows you to weed out the people in your life that don’t have your best interest at heart. When you rise from low self-esteem to high self-esteem your level of tolerance will change significantly because you will go from being a people pleaser to YOU pleaser. You will only stay in situations where you’re being treated fairly. You will not accept any form of abuse because you love yourself enough to know that you deserve better. You’re confident in knowing you don’t give people things to make them like you. People will automatically like you because you like yourself. The journey of esteem is no easy one it’s so easy to overlook it and pretend that you love yourself but your actions will always show how you really feel about yourself. Getting in tune with yourself and owning up to your own flaws can be difficult. Once you begin to view yourself as a queen with high self-esteem and see how you begin to attract people that view you the same.

 

Monday, July 7, 2014

Silence V.S. Words


Some people will enter your life and benefit from your words there are others that will enter your life  that will eventually only benefit from your silence. Those that are benefiting from your words are hearing as well as listening  to you and you will see it in their actions.

Those that will benefit from your silence are hearing you  but they are  not listening to  you and that too will show in their actions as well. know that  listening and hearing are two totally different things. When you hear  your acknowledging that someone is speaking however your brain is not retrieving any of the information leaving you oblivious to what they are trying to tell you. This will lead the speaker down a never ending trail of frustration and wasted words and energy. This person will only benefit from your silence. Refusing to communicate with them will either teach them to listen and not just hear or it will make them stay away.
When your listening to someone you acknowledge what they are saying and you are taking in the information in order to understand what the speaker is saying and react on it in a sensible manner. This person will benefit from your words therefore you should continue talking to them because you could be helping them in some sort of way.
 Know that silencing yourself to certain people does not mean they are a bad person it just means that you no longer wish to entertain them with words. Once you reach this plateau of your journey  to know your time and energy are precious and not to  be wasted on things and people that are undeserving then and only then will you will begin to increase your peace and lessen your frustration. 


Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Mr Wrong (The oppurtunist)

Opportunism is the conscious policy and practice of taking selfish advantage of circumstances – with little regard for principles, or with what the consequences are for others. Opportunist actions are expedient actions guided primarily by self-interested motives. The term can be applied to individual humans and living organisms, groups, organizations, styles, behaviors, and trends.
The opportunist is always lurking in the winds and if your not careful you will be used by one and not even know it. If your familiar with the reality show real housewives of Atlanta you have heard the term opportunist. It has  come up quite often this season in relation to Todd. This type of person purposely seeks out a mate that is already established and well off so they (the opportunist) do not  have to work for anything. They seek out these individuals because they desire to live the life of a esteemed person but they are not capable of doing it on their own so they selfishly use people and situations to gain them the status that they are not capable of obtaining on their own merits. This person can be very dangerous to your heart strings  if trying to pursue a loving relationship with them because you will never know if this person loves you for who you are or for what they can get from you.
In most cases it's for what they can get from you which means you will never get what your heart desires because your going to be too busy satisfying them.
The opportunist wants instant gratification. They will never chose a mate that's  working on gaining success because this will force them to have to plan and wait for something to happen and that's not their ideal plan. The perfect mate for the opportunist is someone who is way above them in social, financial and mental status .Pay attention to the red flags. Are you the main financial source in your relationship? Do you find yourself giving way more than your getting back? are they taking more than they are giving? If this describes your relationship chances are your dealing with a opportunist. these relationships are usually one sided and there is no real fulfillment in it for the victim. If you chose to remain in this situation you will never receive your full worth's potential. When the opportunist comes knocking shut the door and lock it.



Monday, May 12, 2014

Narcissist Chronicles(Part 1)

 
It was day three of my peace being totally disturbed. I refused to go another day allowing another person  who was a total non factor in my life steal my peace and joy that I worked so hard at maintaining. Just that quick they(narcissist) can make you so angry that you can hardly see straight. This one person in the world that sometimes you wished would just disappear from the face of the earth has returned with another round of their child like foolishness. The old me would have succumbed to it embraced it and allowed it to consume me but the new improved me that has grown so much since last year has  refused to let that happen.
 I entered my private prayer area and I cried out to God to please reveal to me how to deal with this person and most importantly help me to change my mindset so I no longer allow another persons  foolish ways impact my sanity.
It wasn't until I refused to leave my prayer area until I heard something from the Holy Spirit.
A few gospel songs and some quiet time later I heard the whisperer say don't worry I  will handle it. The next morning I grabbed my computer and I googled "how to deal with difficult people" it was then I was introduced to narcissistic personality disorder. This wasn't my first time hearing this term however it was the first time I was led to apply it to the person I was having difficulty with.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

Narcissistic personality disorder is one of several types of personality disorders. Personality disorders are conditions in which people have traits that cause them to feel and behave in socially distressing ways, limiting their ability to function in relationships and in other areas of their life, such as work or school.

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

Believing that you're better than others
Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
Exaggerating your achievements or talents
Expecting constant praise and admiration
Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
Taking advantage of others
Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
Being jealous of others
Believing that others are jealous of you
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Setting unrealistic goals
Being easily hurt and rejected
Having a fragile self-esteem
Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

As my mind started to process what I was reading I realized this disorder was a perfect match to the person I was trying to deal with. There was big 8x10 portrait of them starring  back at me . I knew immediately that this was Gods way of letting me know how to deal with this person. There were tons of articles on how to deal with narcissists there were also plenty of true stories from fellow narcissistic abuse victims sharing their story and shedding some light on how to deal with such a dreadful individual.
As I began to educate myself on the disorder I learned that a relationship with a narcissist is a lot like one of those horror movies only you are playing all of the victims as the same time. First your confidence is strangled and left naked on the porch. Next, your trust is slashed with a chainsaw. Finally, you mental health is pushed through a shredder and the only thing you have left is your trembling, naked psyche standing at the top of the basement stairs wondering where the rest of her friends are.

People who get into narcissistic relationships follow a pattern, too. We are empathetic, often feeling others’ emotions very strongly. We are wired to help people if we can even if it means sacrificing ourselves in the process. We love deeply and we are fiercely loyal. So what’s our kryptonite?
The narcissist Serves as our kryptonite because they start  out very charming and nice. They shower you with compliments and make you feel special this person is the representative . The representative will stay around long enough to get you hooked and then right when you think god has sent your Prince Charming riding in on a chariot , the real them pays you a visit. At first your confused you think they must just be having a bad couple of days. Wrong thought!!. In actuality this is who they are but by this time your too blinded by love to run. You've caught feelings so you decide to stick it out things have to get better. Another wrong thought!!
things will not get better because you are dealing with a person  with a personality disorder and that does not just go away.
 This is the time when you have to face the fact that this person is suffering with a mental disorder that doesn't get better but gets worst.
And don't even try to fix them or change them it's not going to happen. Trying to fix a narcissist is like trying to put a glass mug back  together after it's fallen to the floor and shattered into tiny pieces. While you know it's never going to happen and trying is just going to inflict pain on yourself .The only way to get free is the run as far away as possible from this person or you will never be treated in the manner that you are worthy of and deserve. Take my advice if your dealing with the person that was described in these words your peace will not be restored until you get away from them.
(Part two of the narcissistic chronicles  will cover how  to maintain your peace when dealing with a narcissist)



Monday, January 27, 2014

Emotional roller coaster (part 1)Excitement


roll·er coast·er

 Noun

 An amusement park attraction that consists of a light railroad track with many tight turns and steep slopes, on which people ride in...

 Verb

   Move, change, or occur in the dramatically changeable manner of a roller coaster.

 Emotional roller coaster pt. 1(Excitement)

 Sometimes our situations can be placed in comparison with a rollercoaster. At six flags you have rollercoasters with names such as dare devil drive, sky scream and twister but in life we have emotional rollercoasters. This is a ride you take that sometimes you never want it to end and other times you wish it never began. These rollercoasters can start off slow and creep up and up slowly with a feeling of anticipation and then when it gets to the top it drops and experience  that feeling of your stomach dropping to your ankles.This feeling can either give you a feeling of pure excitement and satisfaction or the feeling of extreme regret. Those are the two emotions that are found in this rollercoaster. Excitement or regret which rollercoaster are you currently riding?

The excitement rollercoaster gives you a feeling of euphoria everything is right about this feeling it's moving fast furious and it has you feeling fabulous .You never want this ride to end you want it to go on forever and ever, even when it goes upside down your still feeling wonderful the blood is rushing to your brain the wind is briskly blowing and life as you know it great, but as with the rollercoasters in the amusement parks this rollercoaster too has to stop. And usually with this one you will be willing to stand in a 45 minute line to get back on because it was that good of a ride. When comparing this rollercoaster to a relationship this is exactly where you want to be. Where joy takes over and excitement fills the atmosphere whenever this person is in your presence. This type of emotional rollercoaster is a good one the more up and down motions the better you feel. Your body is relaxed there's no tension you want to be here you patiently waited your turn to get the opportunity to ride this pleasurable rollercoaster. Your emotions are running a hundred miles an hour this is the relationship you've waited for your entire life. Your excited about it they are excited your working together to ensure you both keep each other happy. Selfishness does not exist and love is in the air this roller coaster of excitement leaves you breathless......enjoy the ride

 Next up.... Rollercoaster of regret

 

Friday, January 3, 2014

Journey of life



jour·ney
/ˈjərnē/
Noun
An act of traveling from one place to another.
Verb
Travel somewhere.
Synonyms
noun.   trip - tour - travel - voyage - peregrination - run
verb.   travel - tour - voyage


Life's a journey, not a destination.
When you begin to view your life as a journey the truth about what life really is all about begins to unfold. Your personal journey is your travel timeline through the bump and bruises and joys and happiness that occur in your lifetime. As you begin to mature emotionally as well as spiritually the reality is that you are always to move forward and not backwards this makes your journey more exciting and less stressful. When we allow certain people into our personal space we must attempt to determine early on whether they are meant to to stay around for a reason a season or a lifetime. Our journey is designed to teach us valuable lessons about our relationships our careers and our emotional and physical well being. If at any time you don't see growth in these particular areas of your life  it's a indicator that something is not balanced and therefore may delay your journey to total peace and happiness. During your journey you will enter many relationships. Some will be romantic some will be professional and some be based solely on friendship. As you enter into these different relationships you must always remember some will be a reason  some for a season and some for a lifetime.
If it's for a reason once you learn their reason for being in your life embrace it and move on don't try and hold on let go and keep moving.
A season typically last a few months when people or circumstances enter your life for a season once the season has been completed and it passes learn from the lesson it taught you and walk into the next season stronger and wiser.
Lifetime relationships usually come by way of family and long time friendships although these people will always be a part of your life if you find that they do not have your  best interest at heart you will have to set boundaries so that they do not hinder you on your journey.
Your journey is all about you and what's  best  for your life.you will never  be able to please everyone so make sure as your traveling along life's journey you are being good to you.