Are they Toxic?

The definition of toxic is poisonous. Oftentimes in our lives we will encounter toxic people.  A toxic person is one whom brings nothing but strife into your life. They are emotionally abusive, selfish and often unstable in their own lives. When a person is pegged to be  toxic they bring nothing good into the relationship and if you allow them to stay long enough they will bring the once happy and joyous you down to their level of toxicity. As we get older and more mature we learn the character of those that are in our circle and depending on who the person is we sometimes allow the toxic ones to stay much longer than God intended. When allowing a toxic person to stay in your space longer than needed things will come up missing such as your sanity your self esteem and your confidence. These things go missing because the toxic person is poisoning your spirit and oftentimes making you believe things about yourself that's not even true causing you to second guess yourself so they can continue to poison you with their venomous words and actions. Once they know they have you they continue to poison your spirit until there's nothing left and then they make you feel like it was your fault. Toxic people are very crafty at playing the victim. They like to place blame on others by redirecting their guilt onto you. For example they tell a lie you catch them in the lie and they call you crazy for approaching them with it in the first place.You must be careful when dealing with these type of people because they can also be very charming witty and good with words this is how most every one get caught in the toxic persons trap. They say all the right things but does something totally different. They seduce people with their words all the while never intending to make good on anything that they are saying and if you should ever challenge them they will always have an excuse as to why they didn't do it and sooner or later you get used to the excuses and become tolerable of their foolishness.Once they know your going to tolerate them the sky's the limit on how much chaos they will bring into your Life. Until you recognize them as being toxic you will put up with it not even realizing what's going on which keeps you attached longer than you were destined to stay. You will know they are toxic by some of  the conversation you engage in. If they are always complaining and never have a solution to their problem and somebody else is always to blame TOXIC. If they make everything about them never considering your feelings TOXIC. If they always bring confusion and drama into your space with never any positivity TOXIC. If they disappoint you more than they make you happy TOXIC if your always feeding into them and they are always taking from you TOXIC.These are all tell tale signed of being connected to a toxic person. I encourage you to take heed to these clues and act accordingly. We can sometimes be in denial about whether or not we are dealing with a toxic person and when they should be released. Life is too short to waste on toxic people who are only capable of poisoning your soul. These people even if they are family should not be welcome to waltz in and out of your life at their leisure boundaries must be set with them and remember just because you're in denial doesn't mean it's not happening. Check your circle if you sense toxic remove yourself it will be one of the best decisions you ever made.

Why it's important to hold people accountable

Once you realize that you do indeed have total control over your life you learn that you do have the right to hold people accountable for the titles  they claim to hold in  your life when we assign a title to a person its their  responsibilities to behave in ways that compliment the title. So often we give people titles and learn that they not even capable of holding up their end of the commitment. Holding people accountable doesn't mean you have to be overly critical of them or judgmental it just means that you have a standard and if they are going to be a part of your life in the capacity  that they are portraying that there's a certain behavior that must be presented and if they can't present that behavior then you have the right to revoke the title and  remove this person from your circle. We have grown accustomed to giving people the benefit of the doubt holding on to people much longer than we should and excusing it by thinking this is how we're supposed to behave not true. I do believe it's true that we are to love everyone with the love that God has placed in us to love them with and holding them accountable is a wonderful way to show them love.
As a life coach I was trained to be an accountability partner that's one of the many exciting thing about life coaching you're not a therapist you're not a psychologist and you're not there to solve any one's problems you're just there to hold them accountable so during my training I've learned how to be an effective accountability partner and listen closely to what's being said as well as what's not being said. In my personal life that has not always turned out to be good for others because now I'm trained to hold them accountable for their roles in my life where years ago I didn't know that I was supposed to. Holding a person accountable does not mean you get to tell them about themselves and tell them everything that they do wrong all you have to do is sit back and observe exactly what they're doing and how they treat  you when you find that the treatment does not match with the role that they're supposed to be playing at that time you have the right to speak to them about it this does not have to be done and a critical or attacking way. The tone you use will set the atmosphere for how a person receives what it is that you're saying to them. When you begin to hold people accountable you will experience negative feedback you will be accused of being judgemental you will be accused of being critical but as long as you pray about everything that you say before you say it to a person and you monitor the tone of voice that you're using the person that you speaking to can received the information better but if they can not that doesn't mean your still not supposed to hold them accountable it just means you have to find a way to relay the information to them so they can understand it. If you're not used to holding people accountable when you start the beginning may prove to be a little difficult because  for some reason we forget  how much power we really do have over our own lives and we often times give that power up to people who never showed themselves accountable for the title that was given to them. Holding  people accountable is  a giant step to total peace and restoration of your soul I say this because when you hold things in and you allow people to treat you any kind of way when the time comes that you really need those people they won't be able to help because you never held them accountable from day one. Sometimes it takes years and lifetimes for people to come to this realization so once you come to it and know that you indeed have the power to hold people accountable  then you can start to practice it and your life will never be the same again.You will see positive changes coming from all directions the people that didn't know how to treat you at one time will be treating you like gold. And the people that weren't supposed to be there in the first place will vanish.
Once you realize you have control over your life and who is allowed to be in it miraculous things will begin to happen do yourself a favor today hold somebody accountable for their role in your life they might not like it but your spirit will thank you.

Generational curses...break them or they will break you

When we choose to become products of  our environment and the environment is toxic, a generational curse begins to form. Generational curses derive from individuals who continue bad habits that were formed in their family years earlier. Because of the intensity of a generational curse its important that once you recognize a behavior as being a generational curse someone must step in and break it because if they don't the dysfunction will just continue on.The problem is oftentimes people become comfortable living in the curse so they don't attempt to break it. For example alcoholism  can be classified as a  generational curse. If a child grows up in a house where all the adults drink liquor throughout the day chances are when they become adults they either end up in homes with alcoholics or  they become alcoholics. Why ? because if every time your child sees you your drinking a alcoholic beverage then they will grow up thinking well my parents did it so it must be OK for me to do it. This behavior will continue until somebody realizes that  its wrong and they refuse  to carry on the curse.Once you refuse you begin to display behaviors opposite of what the curse projected and that is when the curse is broken.
Another example of a generational curse is laziness and not wanting to work.Grandaddy didn't work or he sold drugs and they never seen daddy go to work cause he sold drugs then the kids will think its cool to not work and sell drugs.GENERATIONAL CURSE.  The great  great grand mother didn't work the  great grand mother didn't work the grand mother didn't work and now here are a different set of kids coming up being groomed that they don't have to work to earn a living. GENERATIONAL CURSE. To grow up with the belief that working for what you want and being a responsible adult is not necessary is a wrong thought process but if nobody in the equation has been taught to do better and make changes  the curse will continue. Its very important to study your families background and the family backgrounds of those we become intimate with because once you bring kids into the world its open season for generational curses to continue through your kids. Once the kids are here you can't change the family background but you can break the curse by making the behaviors unacceptable through your children .If you see that laziness is a family trait and your raising boys don't allow them to be lazy. Give them responsibilities that will guide them out of the curse And into a healthy way of living.The key to breaking generational curses is awareness of the problem and a passion to make changes in what has proven to be a detriment to many families. Generational curses are the downfall of many people and the reason for a lot of the bad behavior that people display in their lives and in their relationships. Do yourself and your love ones a favor and pay attention to the generation curses that linger in your family we all have them and once you pin point a action as a generational curse make it your mission to break it so it can't complete another cycle.

If you need assistance with breaking a generational curse consider investing in my three month personal growth coaching program. Learn more at www.daniellejhall.com

Is she less than a mother?

Just as a women should be careful of what type of men she brings around her kids so should men be careful of the type of women he brings around his kids.Just because she gave birth to a child it doesn't make her a mother. Mothers nurture, sacrifice and put there kids needs in front of hers. A mother serves as a constant advocate for her kids well being even if it means she has to suffer a little in the process. Mothers are attentive to their children and makes decisions based on the best interest of her child. Women that put men in front of their kids, spend more time with a man than  she does with her adolescent children and  allowing their selfishness to put their own desires in front of the kids well being are not mothers they are simply egg donors. They had sex the man fertilizes her eggs and she became pregnant this process doesn't guarantee good parenting it just simply says a child has been born into the world because their parents didn't use the proper protection.
Egg donor: a woman who boar her kids for reasons other than her genuinely wanting to be a mother. She had kids because the man she was sleeping with at the time wanted kids or because she thought having a child would keep the man around. There is absolutely no maternal instincts in this woman.  The kids are here and she has to deal with them but the manner in which she deals with her kids prove she's not maternal. You can tell if she's just a egg donor once you monitor her actions where her kids are concerned. Here are a few ways to detect a egg donor and or sperm donor

1. The kids are never with them
2. When they have the kids they are paying them no attention
3. Their women / men come before their kids
4. They fit the kids into their schedule rather than planning their schedule around her kids.


a message to the guys: If you are good  parent to your kids be careful not to attach  yourself to a egg donor because she will eventually have you treating your kids in the same manner as she treats hers.

Evaluate the pause

sometimes you can get into a situation with a person be it business or relationship  that was  consistent in the beginning and then all of a sudden there's a pause. You begin to wonder what happened? everything was going fine the communication is good and then all of a sudden a pause. All communications cease. Depending on our mindset at the time our first instinct is to think we did something wrong or when its involving a  relationship maybe they are just not that into us but what if they were pursuing you?They had to be interested in you to pursue you right?.These questions linger in our heads with no answers to follow so instead of looking at the pause as a bad thing or rejection take that time to evaluate the pause because there's a lesson in the reason why there was  indeed a pause. Ladies this is not the time to start chasing him and pursuing him if he started off pursuing you and he stopped there's a reason behind it and chasing him is not the answer.This is time to get quiet get still and pray about it. If indeed you have been praying about your life and your situations this is the time to wait and  see what the holy spirit has to reveal. Once you ask God about it he will reveal to you what you need to hear but you have to be still to get it. During your still time you are evaluating the pause. It could be a number of reasons the pause occurred but its not your job to figure it out you let time reveal the reason for the pause. When your confident about what you bring to the table in a relationship or a friendship and for whatever reason someone fails to continue communicating with you its a clear indication that something is going on with them and if they are not mature enough to express it to you then your probably better off without them. A pause is not always a bad thing it could be Gods way of removing a person that could potentially be bad for you in the long run. Just remember to embrace the pause don't put too much energy into it just learn from it and move forward. NEXT!!

Soul ties how they are created and how you break them

Sharing your soul with another person (through sexual union) creates a tie. The deepest soul tie is forged when two people engage in sexual intercourse and  become one flesh. Often that tie is a hard knot to untangle. Even though we can’t see it, a commingling of the souls occurs. Depending on the individual you will either create a toxic soul tie or a healthy spiritual one ,  “’And the two shall become one flesh; consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh.’” (Mark 10:8)

When you incorporate sex in a relationship before marriage you negate your rights to getting to know the person from the INSIDE out and that's the part that's needed so you can make a sensible choice about whether or not your creating a healthy soul tie and if  the person your dating is worth your time and most importantly if they are mental and emotion stable. When you have sex too soon in a relationship you turn your focus to the physical aspect of the person and turn away from the mental aspect. People show you who they are when you first meet them and if you take time to learn their personality before incorporating sex into the equation you most often will find your not even compatible with the person or they may have some personal or emotional issues that your unable to deal with. Once sex takes reign over the relationship people tend to become blinded by the reality that the person their involved with has some deep emotional issues and then it's hard to break away. The sex is so good and your getting the attention you crave. This is how crimes of passion evolve and  tv shows like snapped and fatal attraction can create so many episodes this is why the bible says sex should only be done under the covenant of marriage because if done this way you have taken the time to learn a person internally and learn to love them enough to make a commitment to them before GOD and once you've learned to love someone from the inside out from the beginning  the physical connecting only intensifies and makes it that much better. Most people refuse to wait because they  have developed the mindset of "what if were not sexually compatible?" Sex is what you make it. If there is a area in your sex life that's not fulfilling to you it's up to you and your mate to make it pleasurable for the both of you. As long as both parties are willing to put their one hundred percent into making sure each other is satisfied that shouldn't be the issue. Before you decide to give yourself  away in a sexual encounter consider  the risks of possibly being blinded by this person that you may not even know well enough to have a intelligent conversation with. Sex feels good while your in the act but after your done the remnants of the act will follow you and if your not careful it can be in the form of a unhealthy unnecessary time wasting relationship. Breaking a unhealthy soul tie can be done but once you've connected it's sometimes difficult to break the tie. If you feel your in a unhealthy soul tie with someone first start by praying and asking God to remove those from your life that don't have your best interest at heart once you do this just watch and see how God works on your behalf and you slowly but surely regain your peace and freedom. 

How to free yourself from a fool

In life you must be very careful when seeking advice from other people because there are fools lurking in every aspect of your world. You have fools in your family, you work with fools ,you have attended school with some fools and some are even tied into business and marriages with fools . Being able to determine whether or  not a person is a fool is determined by your level of discernment. The Christian connotation of Discernment described  it as as a gift from the Holy Spirit that in the absence of judgement gives you the ability to obtain spiritual direction in certain matters so that you can use godly direction when dealing with them. Discernment can also simply mean the ability to judge well. This is what will help you to dissect whether or not a person is a fool or if they are speaking knowledge and wisdom. 

Romans 1:22 states some people will claim to be wise and profess to be smart but their foolish ways made simpletons of themselves. Some people are masters of manipulation they know how to use words to manipulate people into thinking they are speaking intelligently when in reality their words will never match their actions why? Because they are not capable of doing the things they speak about. They are delusional and their plan is  to keep you trapped into their web of foolishness, untruths and blatant lies. This is what classifies them as fools. A fool is basically a person that lacks proper judgment and common sense. Therefore we should not associate ourselves with people that express these traits. In order to classify them as a fool you must take time to listen to them and then allow more time to monitor their actions its at that time of patience you learn their words don't match the actions and now you have proof that you have a fool in the midst. It's never wise to allow the fool to run rampant in your life you must let them go and allow them to remain foolish some where else. If you let them go early it's not such a hard task but if you ignore the obvious red flags that are alerting you to the foolishness you can get stuck and find it more difficult to get away and then you will start to try and "fix them"   Proverbs 16:22 states giving instructions to a fool creates folly(more foolishness) . A fool can't be fixed by anyone other than God. Let them go pray for them and keep it moving. 

open letter from the one who let you get away

I know I'm not on your level and I have a ways to go until I can get there. I promised myself I wouldn't come after you until I could give you a 110% of what you deserve. I know you've done a great deal of growing and I can see the change in you. I was trying to keep up but somewhere along the ride I fell off the bike. I'm not going to step to you and interfere your greatness  because I know your not going to put up with me. I know what I'm bringing to the table does not meet your standards. So in the meantime I will go out and I will find women that have not yet found their worth and don't require much in a mate. their only requirement is that I show up and be a warm body in the bed next to them and in exchange they will cater to me and adore me even in my foolishness. With these women I don't have to do much work. I will convince them that I love them when I really don't.These type of women don't put much focus on  actions so all I have to do is show up say a few kind words make some empty promises and take what they are giving me. I will use them and fake love them until they either get tired or I get tired of faking. My heart will always be with you because your the one I love I realized I messed things up with you and I will always regret that but my inability to be with myself and take time to heal keeps me searching for and choosing poor replicas of you. I cant believe I'm saying these things but I need to be honest with you. for some reason my conscious always kicks in where you are concerned. I wont take up anymore of your time just continue to pray for me and one day maybe I can grow to be the man you needed me to be and that God designed me to be.

The dangers of dealing with emotionally unavailable people

Many people are physically available but not as many are emotionally available and when you desire both but chose to settle for one the relationship will not be sturdy because the foundation on which it was built was shaky from the beginning. God says he will give us the desires of our heart but after we ask him we must be diligent and patient in waiting for HIM to deliver because if impatience sets in and you get tired of waiting for HIM you will choose somebody on your own and if you choose a emotionally unavailable person you will never get the desires of your heart fulfilled. You'll get something but its not going to be what you desired. Its easy to be physically available all you have to do is simply just show up. Your body is there and  its doing the physical thing that you desire. The emotional piece is different to be emotionally available you must be free of all emotional attachments to the lovers and mates  from your past. How can you tell if someone is emotionally unavailable? When they speak often of  a person in their past as if they are not over the relationship. When they are still dealing with and entertaining  drama concerning a past relationship and they can't seem to get past it this normally is a red flag that they are still emotionally tied to this person. When dealing with a emotionally unavailable person you must understand  that because they are still partially tied to a completely different person they can't be fully tied to you. Emotional attachment means their heart still belongs to another person and two people cant have one persons heart. You know their heart doesn't belong to you when they still feel the need to protect the other person and no matter what this person does they continue to entertain them this doesn't  make you a bad person it just makes you not yet fully available to a person that's whole and emotionally available. When you realize your not emotionally available you should take some time to self reflect and focus on getting past the hurt that keeps you emotionally tied to another person and work on releasing it so that you can one day show up in a relationship being a whole person and not just the physical half.

did you pick them or Did God send them ?

When a woman reaches a place in  life where she is tired of making wrong choices in men and doing it her way and she desires a real meaningful relationship she will seek God for help. She will get to the place where she begins to pray and ask God to send her a man. The tricky part in praying and asking God to send you people you must first have a relationship with God meaning you talk to him daily not just when you want something and when you talk to him you have the capacity to hear the small still voice speaking back to you.  Once you reach this level you then must  also realize just as God hears you so does the devil.When we pray and ask God for a mate we automatically assume he is the only one who hears us so as soon as we are approached by a man who we are  physically attracted to we automatically think its from God this is not always the case.When we think God has answered our prayer we tend to let our guard down. We may say to ourselves " I prayed for a man here he is so God must have sent him and he must be the one for me".This may seem true in the very beginning so we choose this person and pursue a relationship with them. As your getting to know them if your truly connected to God in a intimate way and this  person is mr wrong God will send the red flags that's proof he didn't construct this union but if your not in tune with listening to him and your more focused on what your flesh is saying  you will ignore the red flags. Red flags are sent to warn you that something is not quite right with a person. They are the signs that show you that your not equally yolked. Sometimes we will see that we're not equally yolked but we will stay thinking we can change the person or the person will eventully change. This is  not the person that was sent by God. When God sends our mate there will be no change required he will make sure that they are equipped with everything needed to be the ideal mate designed just for you. Choosing to stay with a person that God didn't send you will lead you down a road of frustration and misery. Once you get fed up with choosing the wrong people and start relying on God to place people in your life this is when you'll start to entertain the right people and the wrong people will fall away. This is when life gets exciting. Now is good time to evaluate your relationships and ask yourself did I pick them or did God send them. Once you get the answer be gentle with yourself and take the necessary steps to make things right.

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Discernment: The gift that keeps on giving

She realizes she had discernment when people from her past would tell her  how something she had given them advice about turned out to be true. When people would say to her I should have listened to you because you were right. It was then that she realized what she had something very special and she had to be careful  because  if not handled correctly and dealt with in the correct mindset it would lead to the frustration of trying to convince people of something that only God wanted her to know.

 She was learning when her discernment showed her something it wasn't always for her the share. When you try to convince people of things that they are not yet ready to receive you will be viewed as being bitter, judgmental, critical, and mean. although the information your speaking may be true if a person is not in the mindset to receive it they may attack you with hurtful words.  Initially she was offended but later she decided to use it as a teachable moment and figure out why they felt this way about her. She knew deep in her spirit she wasn't any of those things. She definitely wasn't being judgmental because much of the advice she had given out to people was about things that she had experienced herself and it proved not to be fruitful or beneficial to her. She was merely trying to help them out so that they wouldn't have to go through what she went through. She couldn't understand how that was coming across as judgmental until it was revealed to her the information that she was revealing was only supposed to be for her. This was information God had download to her for her own personal healing it wasn't necessarily  meant to share with others. This is where she made her mistake they became offended because she was delivering the message prematurely. The offense set in because they were not at a place spiritually where they were ready to receive what she was saying. She finally came to the realization that everything was not meant to be repeated everything that she knew other people may not have been ready to receive it. Once she started to own that important piece of knowledge she began to monitor what she said to people and how she said it and suddenly she wasn't so amped up to tell people about themselves and what she knew about them. She got quiet and allowed silence and prayer to speak on her behalf.

 The beauty in the gift....

When you're gifted with the spirit of discernment sometimes more often than none God will show you things about people not for you to run and tell everybody but he shows you these things about certain people so you can deal with the person. How others view them or see them is none of your business. God shows you certain characteristics about people that it may take others years to see. This doesn't mean that you must convince the world of their character flaws. it’s information that God has downloaded to your spirit so that you can deal with the person in the manner that you need to. Discernment is not a tool given to place judgement on others it’s a gift from God that if used properly will allow you to live a life free from malice because your gift has showed you everything you need to know. I encourage you to pray for discernment and the wisdom to deal with it properly and I promise you won't be disappointed by the results.

Fictional speakers / Factual speakers who are you listening to?

In life you will encounter two types of people that you will engage in conversation with. Some will speak factual and some will speak fictional. Fictional speakers often can be classified as delusional.They speak the way they desire their life to be the problem is it hasn't come to fruition yet which means its not true which in turn makes it fictional. Once you realize this character trait in a person it would be to your advantage to not entertain them. Continuing to entertain a fictional speaker will pull you into their delusion of life and in  time you will find yourself behaving in the same manner.
Factual speakers speak only on the facts anything that they say they have proof to back it up. They mainly speak on things that they have gone through in their life or things that others have gone through which means they have knowledge of what they're talking about .They don't make things up they speak only from what they see and how they perceive it.
Fictional speakers will often times create a atmosphere that can only be seen by them it's not real it's a delusion or an illusion of a portrait they have painted about their lives. How do you determine whether not a person speaks fictional or factual?
As you pay attention to their actions and you watch how they live this will show you if what they're saying is true or false once you realized a person is a fictional speaker you no longer take to heart anything that they say because chances are its not true these are the people you should detach yourself from, It's not that you think you're better than them it's just that they're thinking pattern is dysfunctional and if you continue to entertain them it could cause you a great deal of frustration.
The safest person to attach yourself to is the factual speaker someone that speaks the truth and only speaks on facts this person will be honest with you they will be truthful with you and although you may not like it at times it's usually something that you need to hear that will aid in your growth and maturity. This is the type of relationship that you take with you to the next level this is the person that will not sugarcoat anything. They will tell you exactly what you need to hear. Is this person perfect? absolutely not they make mistakes and have made mistakes but chose to learn from them. The wisdom that they are bestowing upon you is something good and will bring forth good fruits to your life this is the person you want to keep around. Lose fictional and gain factual.

50 shades of crazy

There is a large quantity of people walking around with different levels of mental and personality disorders. When gone undiagnosed these people enter into relationships with normal people with normal minds and those bonds create toxic situations. Once the normal person gets sucked in the representative disappears and the disordered mate begins to show signs that they are 50 shades of crazy. The red flags begin to wave to you but at this point your so blinded by the lust that you can't see the flags so you sit in it. Day by day the crazy gets more intense the lies come more frequently. You know their untrust worthy yet you continue to pour more of your attention into them. You will normally find yourself in this place if you have sex with them sooner than that you should. Sex especially if it’s good will further blind you. The crazy person is well aware of this and that’s why they move so quickly in the romance department. they have now manipulated your mind and your body. You know there’s something wrong but they convince you that its right. You begin second guessing things you would have never second guessed before. The crazy intensifies and is now coming by way of selfish acts, frequent mood changes, isolation of themselves from you, and bouts of silence. When you try to find out what’s wrong with them they will find a way to blame you or somebody else for their actions. Crazy does not improve so once you figure out a person is crazy you must not try to fix them or be extra nice thinking they will return the favor because this is not going to happen. Your best bet is to research their behavior and most likely you will find through research that they indeed have either a personality disorder, a mental disorder or both. When people display acts of crazy don’t waste your time trying to deal with it. Many people especially married people will stick with the crazy person because they took a vow and they want to abide by it which will only work if you’re ok with being miserable and married. The definition of crazy reads “mentally deranged especially as manifested in a wild or aggressive way.” Once someone displays these traits don’t stick around for it to get worst get out and stay out.  The best life for a sane person is to attach themselves to like minded people. Leave the crazies to their craziness and enjoy your life.

Do they know you have a relationship with God?

 When you mention God the devil will flee. Always let people know about your relationship with God. If it's an intimate relationship that means God is guiding you and showing you what you need to see about people so let them know that he is present in your life and you do indeed hear the
"little voice". This piece of information will alter the way they INTENDED to handle you. If they had a toxic agenda, they will flee why? Because when they know God has your ear they won't get too far with a toxic agenda. This behavior will allow you to welcome the right relationships into your space. If you’re not at this place yet on your journey, I encourage you to seek this relationship with God before you seek one with another human being. It's important that you strive for an intimate relationship with God because this is when you can hear him speak into your spirit very clearly and it's no doubt that God is guiding you. You can count on him to guide you in the right direction and if you are reading his word enough and praying enough this allows him to trust you and know that you will be obedient to what he tells you to do. This relationship is not conquered overnight. Everyone is different so you will reach it at the level your supposed to. As long as you’re seeking it you will eventually obtain it. God will hear your prayers and the relationship will begin to form. Once its formed the way you view life will change. You will handle your relationships differently because God will be guiding you instead of you guiding you. when we do things our way many times it doesn't work out your relationship with God will show you everything that you need to know because you are connected with him he will live through you which will enable you to discern healthy relationships vs unhealthy toxic relationships. If you are single and wanting to make some changes and do things differently because doing it your way is not working right now is a good time for you to work on your relationship with God and watch and see how your earthly  relationships begin to change. If your currently in a relationship and you haven’t developed this relationship with God you can still do so by dedicating some time to prayer and talking to God this too will improve your current relationships. We are so busy trying to put together fleshly relationships and becoming frustrated when they don’t work out when what we should be busy doing is developing an intimate relationship with God and allowing him to guide us so that we can enter into good relationships with people that have our best interest at heart. Try it I promise you won’t be disappointed.

What is the condition of their heart?

Psalms 51:10 - Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

The condition of your heart will determine how your life turns out. Without your heart your body could not survive life.Oftentimes we just look at the heart as a organ inside of our body that pumps out blood. What we fail to do is to study the conditions of our hearts as well as the hearts of others. A careful look at the condition of a persons heart can save you a lot of time because if their heart condition is bad the way they treat you will be bad. Below are my picks of different heart conditions. If you see yourself in any of these or if you see people you have a  close connection within these descriptions take time to own the information and do what's needed to continue being big hearted or make some changes and get rid of your bad heart doing this will change the quality of your relationships.

BIG HEART- Big hearted people are generous ,selfless and kind they love to help others and they love to make people feel good they will give their last to anyone in need. It is proven that  having a big heart is a good way to be especially because its the way God designed us all to be.While being a good trait having a big heart can  sometimes bring on big pain.When your heart is open and big it's susceptible to pain. When someone doesn't appreciate your heart or is incapable of being a good person themselves, they will oftentimes take advantage of the big hearted person leaving them with a void. To possess a big heart is to possess a caring heart when you genuinely care about other people and their feelings you rarely do anything that would be hurtful to them this is a huge attribute for the big hearted person, Having a big heart is a wonderful place to be on your journey it's also a difficult place to be especially if you haven't properly studied the conditions of peoples hearts. Big hearted people oftentimes connect themselves to selfish hearted people and the connection never prove fruitful to the big hearted individual this is why having discernment is essential to aid in weeding out the cold, selfish, broken hearted people. Once  this concept is learned  the big hearted person will begin to surround themselves with people that will appreciate their heart and not take advantage of it. Big hearted people are rare in the world today so if you run across one don't take advantage of them be appreciative of them in your life and treat them just as good as they treat you.

HARD HEART- The hard hearted person is the one that's been hurt one too many times be it  at the hands of a parent a family member or friend somebody hurt them and  whenever they tried to have an open heart somebody broke it. Having your heart hurt multiple times can eventually turn it hard. This is a time when you must also pray for discernment and learn who exactly you can give your heart to. hard hearted people normally hurt other people because they don't have any feelings they shut their heart down build a wall around it and no feelings come in or go out if you find yourself in some way connected to a hard hearted person you will never get the respect or the attention that you deserve  because a hard heart doesn't feel. If you find yourself or notice other people behaving in a manner that is nonchalant and non caring it may be because their heart or your heart is hard once you develop a hard heart first recognize it as being a flaw and then you must work on it daily to soften. A hard heart can be  softened with the right prayer and diligent work to be a better person if you find that a person that you're dealing with has a hard heart and they're perfectly okay with it do yourself a favor and disconnect from that person you'll never get what you need from them. Some signs of a hard heart is
1. Non communicative
2.No compassion
3. Shows minimal affection
4.non caring of others feelings

COLD HEART- The cold hearted person can be similar to the hard hearted person the only difference is when a person's heart turns cold it becomes numb. Cold hearted people lack genuine affection . They may show affection towards you sometimes but its only when there's a need. When they want something from you they fake acts of affection to get what they want. This behavior is almost always  temporary. After the need is met they go back to non feeling and when people have  no feelings they are  unsympathetic unfriendly, insensitive and unloving. The cold hearted person has also been damaged  and their past hurts or current hurts has caused their heart to turn cold. The danger of dealing with a cold hearted person is you will hardly never get anything positive from them. Cold hearted people lack joy in their heart because their heart is cold. Oftentimes people's hearts with turn cold when they go through a traumatic life situation or some type of tragedy that causes them to not want to feel anymore they feel like if they don't feel anything then nothing  bad can come upon them. What they  fail to to realize in that statement nothing bad will come upon them but nothing good will come upon them either. A cold heart breeds negativity and in order to maintain a healthy relationship with another human being you have to be able to have compassion and  feelings of love for them and cold hearted people don't have feelings. It's not typical for a cold hearted person to admit that their heart is cold their behavior usually shows the coldness in their heart however if you yourself feel that your heart is cold then you should do a self reflection to find out what caused your heart to turn cold and once you realize what made you that way you can work towards releasing it and  letting  it go. This process of ownership and change will allow your heart to warm back up and your new warm heart will show you that  there are people who's  intentions are not to break your heart or hurt you you just have to surround yourself with the right people. If you are in relationship with a cold hearted person know that you should consider the health of your own heart because if  a warm big  hearted person stays around a cold heated person for an extended amount of time the warm hearted person will most likely pick up bad habits from the cold hearted person. Cold hearted people are the ones we learn to love from a distance and not get too close because cold hearted people give no reciprocity to big hearted people. Here are some signs of a cold hearted person
1. No compassion
2. Non empathetic
3.unemotional
4.moody
5.hard to love
6.insensitive
7.detached

BROKEN HEARTED- Broken hearted people become broken hearted because they have become or allowed themselves to become overwhelmed by grief or disappointment. Most often its  a case of someone they loved disappointing  them or letting them down  and their  heart is broken by it. Many times broken hearted people become despondent , mournful, sad and miserable. They carry these traits because they won't allow the broken pieces of their heart two mend back together most broken hearted people have been affected by another broken hearted person. If not dealt with its a vicious cycle of  the saying hurt people hurt people. The cycle carries on with the broken hearted going  around breaking other people's hearts because they have not yet realized that their heart too has been broken and has not been mended back together. you can determine if a  person is broken hearted by the way they speak to and about you. Broken hearted people normally aim to break hearts because they have failed to take the proper time to heal their own heart. You can spot a brokenhearted person because their mood it's often time sad ,despondent and negative. You may find yourself looking at these behaiviors as them just  having a few bad days or going through a hard time but you will soon notice the mood doesn't change. A heart broken person will not get better until they learn how to mend the pieces of their broken heart and the only way to do thisis the first own it as being a issue in your life and next dealing with the source that broke your heart and forgive it and let it go. This does not mean you must confront the person or situation that broke your heart it means you accept it for what it is and move past it don't allow the one that hurt you continue to rent space in your world once you release them  this is the moment when your broken heart will mend back together.

When your heart condition is not in a good state you must shut off the valve and deal with what's going on.
In the physical sense when your heart gets clogged you have a heart attack
In the spiritual sense if your heart is clogged you lack the ability to show behaviors that are required to be a good person. The only way to cure a bad heart condition is to make positive changes and learn to let go of that which caused your heart to go bad. Embrace that truth and your heart condition will improve.