Thursday, September 22, 2016

Are they Toxic?

The definition of toxic is poisonous. Oftentimes in our lives we will encounter toxic people.  A toxic person is one whom brings nothing but strife into your life. They are emotionally abusive, selfish and often unstable in their own lives. When a person is pegged to be  toxic they bring nothing good into the relationship and if you allow them to stay long enough they will bring the once happy and joyous you down to their level of toxicity. As we get older and more mature we learn the character of those that are in our circle and depending on who the person is we sometimes allow the toxic ones to stay much longer than God intended. When allowing a toxic person to stay in your space longer than needed things will come up missing such as your sanity your self esteem and your confidence. These things go missing because the toxic person is poisoning your spirit and oftentimes making you believe things about yourself that's not even true causing you to second guess yourself so they can continue to poison you with their venomous words and actions. Once they know they have you they continue to poison your spirit until there's nothing left and then they make you feel like it was your fault. Toxic people are very crafty at playing the victim. They like to place blame on others by redirecting their guilt onto you. For example they tell a lie you catch them in the lie and they call you crazy for approaching them with it in the first place.You must be careful when dealing with these type of people because they can also be very charming witty and good with words this is how most every one get caught in the toxic persons trap. They say all the right things but does something totally different. They seduce people with their words all the while never intending to make good on anything that they are saying and if you should ever challenge them they will always have an excuse as to why they didn't do it and sooner or later you get used to the excuses and become tolerable of their foolishness.Once they know your going to tolerate them the sky's the limit on how much chaos they will bring into your Life. Until you recognize them as being toxic you will put up with it not even realizing what's going on which keeps you attached longer than you were destined to stay. You will know they are toxic by some of  the conversation you engage in. If they are always complaining and never have a solution to their problem and somebody else is always to blame TOXIC. If they make everything about them never considering your feelings TOXIC. If they always bring confusion and drama into your space with never any positivity TOXIC. If they disappoint you more than they make you happy TOXIC if your always feeding into them and they are always taking from you TOXIC.These are all tell tale signed of being connected to a toxic person. I encourage you to take heed to these clues and act accordingly. We can sometimes be in denial about whether or not we are dealing with a toxic person and when they should be released. Life is too short to waste on toxic people who are only capable of poisoning your soul. These people even if they are family should not be welcome to waltz in and out of your life at their leisure boundaries must be set with them and remember just because you're in denial doesn't mean it's not happening. Check your circle if you sense toxic remove yourself it will be one of the best decisions you ever made.

Why it's important to hold people accountable

Once you realize that you do indeed have total control over your life you learn that you do have the right to hold people accountable for the titles  they claim to hold in  your life when we assign a title to a person its their  responsibilities to behave in ways that compliment the title. So often we give people titles and learn that they not even capable of holding up their end of the commitment. Holding people accountable doesn't mean you have to be overly critical of them or judgmental it just means that you have a standard and if they are going to be a part of your life in the capacity  that they are portraying that there's a certain behavior that must be presented and if they can't present that behavior then you have the right to revoke the title and  remove this person from your circle. We have grown accustomed to giving people the benefit of the doubt holding on to people much longer than we should and excusing it by thinking this is how we're supposed to behave not true. I do believe it's true that we are to love everyone with the love that God has placed in us to love them with and holding them accountable is a wonderful way to show them love.
As a life coach I was trained to be an accountability partner that's one of the many exciting thing about life coaching you're not a therapist you're not a psychologist and you're not there to solve any one's problems you're just there to hold them accountable so during my training I've learned how to be an effective accountability partner and listen closely to what's being said as well as what's not being said. In my personal life that has not always turned out to be good for others because now I'm trained to hold them accountable for their roles in my life where years ago I didn't know that I was supposed to. Holding a person accountable does not mean you get to tell them about themselves and tell them everything that they do wrong all you have to do is sit back and observe exactly what they're doing and how they treat  you when you find that the treatment does not match with the role that they're supposed to be playing at that time you have the right to speak to them about it this does not have to be done and a critical or attacking way. The tone you use will set the atmosphere for how a person receives what it is that you're saying to them. When you begin to hold people accountable you will experience negative feedback you will be accused of being judgemental you will be accused of being critical but as long as you pray about everything that you say before you say it to a person and you monitor the tone of voice that you're using the person that you speaking to can received the information better but if they can not that doesn't mean your still not supposed to hold them accountable it just means you have to find a way to relay the information to them so they can understand it. If you're not used to holding people accountable when you start the beginning may prove to be a little difficult because  for some reason we forget  how much power we really do have over our own lives and we often times give that power up to people who never showed themselves accountable for the title that was given to them. Holding  people accountable is  a giant step to total peace and restoration of your soul I say this because when you hold things in and you allow people to treat you any kind of way when the time comes that you really need those people they won't be able to help because you never held them accountable from day one. Sometimes it takes years and lifetimes for people to come to this realization so once you come to it and know that you indeed have the power to hold people accountable  then you can start to practice it and your life will never be the same again.You will see positive changes coming from all directions the people that didn't know how to treat you at one time will be treating you like gold. And the people that weren't supposed to be there in the first place will vanish.
Once you realize you have control over your life and who is allowed to be in it miraculous things will begin to happen do yourself a favor today hold somebody accountable for their role in your life they might not like it but your spirit will thank you.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Generational curses...break them or they will break you

When we choose to become products of  our environment and the environment is toxic, a generational curse begins to form. Generational curses derive from individuals who continue bad habits that were formed in their family years earlier. Because of the intensity of a generational curse its important that once you recognize a behavior as being a generational curse someone must step in and break it because if they don't the dysfunction will just continue on.The problem is oftentimes people become comfortable living in the curse so they don't attempt to break it. For example alcoholism  can be classified as a  generational curse. If a child grows up in a house where all the adults drink liquor throughout the day chances are when they become adults they either end up in homes with alcoholics or  they become alcoholics. Why ? because if every time your child sees you your drinking a alcoholic beverage then they will grow up thinking well my parents did it so it must be OK for me to do it. This behavior will continue until somebody realizes that  its wrong and they refuse  to carry on the curse.Once you refuse you begin to display behaviors opposite of what the curse projected and that is when the curse is broken.
Another example of a generational curse is laziness and not wanting to work.Grandaddy didn't work or he sold drugs and they never seen daddy go to work cause he sold drugs then the kids will think its cool to not work and sell drugs.GENERATIONAL CURSE.  The great  great grand mother didn't work the  great grand mother didn't work the grand mother didn't work and now here are a different set of kids coming up being groomed that they don't have to work to earn a living. GENERATIONAL CURSE. To grow up with the belief that working for what you want and being a responsible adult is not necessary is a wrong thought process but if nobody in the equation has been taught to do better and make changes  the curse will continue. Its very important to study your families background and the family backgrounds of those we become intimate with because once you bring kids into the world its open season for generational curses to continue through your kids. Once the kids are here you can't change the family background but you can break the curse by making the behaviors unacceptable through your children .If you see that laziness is a family trait and your raising boys don't allow them to be lazy. Give them responsibilities that will guide them out of the curse And into a healthy way of living.The key to breaking generational curses is awareness of the problem and a passion to make changes in what has proven to be a detriment to many families. Generational curses are the downfall of many people and the reason for a lot of the bad behavior that people display in their lives and in their relationships. Do yourself and your love ones a favor and pay attention to the generation curses that linger in your family we all have them and once you pin point a action as a generational curse make it your mission to break it so it can't complete another cycle.

If you need assistance with breaking a generational curse consider investing in my three month personal growth coaching program. Learn more at

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Is she less than a mother?

Just as a women should be careful of what type of men she brings around her kids so should men be careful of the type of women he brings around his kids.Just because she gave birth to a child it doesn't make her a mother. Mothers nurture, sacrifice and put there kids needs in front of hers. A mother serves as a constant advocate for her kids well being even if it means she has to suffer a little in the process. Mothers are attentive to their children and makes decisions based on the best interest of her child. Women that put men in front of their kids, spend more time with a man than  she does with her adolescent children and  allowing their selfishness to put their own desires in front of the kids well being are not mothers they are simply egg donors. They had sex the man fertilizes her eggs and she became pregnant this process doesn't guarantee good parenting it just simply says a child has been born into the world because their parents didn't use the proper protection.
Egg donor: a woman who boar her kids for reasons other than her genuinely wanting to be a mother. She had kids because the man she was sleeping with at the time wanted kids or because she thought having a child would keep the man around. There is absolutely no maternal instincts in this woman.  The kids are here and she has to deal with them but the manner in which she deals with her kids prove she's not maternal. You can tell if she's just a egg donor once you monitor her actions where her kids are concerned. Here are a few ways to detect a egg donor and or sperm donor

1. The kids are never with them
2. When they have the kids they are paying them no attention
3. Their women / men come before their kids
4. They fit the kids into their schedule rather than planning their schedule around her kids.

a message to the guys: If you are good  parent to your kids be careful not to attach  yourself to a egg donor because she will eventually have you treating your kids in the same manner as she treats hers.

Friday, May 20, 2016

Evaluate the pause

sometimes you can get into a situation with a person be it business or relationship  that was  consistent in the beginning and then all of a sudden there's a pause. You begin to wonder what happened? everything was going fine the communication is good and then all of a sudden a pause. All communications cease. Depending on our mindset at the time our first instinct is to think we did something wrong or when its involving a  relationship maybe they are just not that into us but what if they were pursuing you?They had to be interested in you to pursue you right?.These questions linger in our heads with no answers to follow so instead of looking at the pause as a bad thing or rejection take that time to evaluate the pause because there's a lesson in the reason why there was  indeed a pause. Ladies this is not the time to start chasing him and pursuing him if he started off pursuing you and he stopped there's a reason behind it and chasing him is not the answer.This is time to get quiet get still and pray about it. If indeed you have been praying about your life and your situations this is the time to wait and  see what the holy spirit has to reveal. Once you ask God about it he will reveal to you what you need to hear but you have to be still to get it. During your still time you are evaluating the pause. It could be a number of reasons the pause occurred but its not your job to figure it out you let time reveal the reason for the pause. When your confident about what you bring to the table in a relationship or a friendship and for whatever reason someone fails to continue communicating with you its a clear indication that something is going on with them and if they are not mature enough to express it to you then your probably better off without them. A pause is not always a bad thing it could be Gods way of removing a person that could potentially be bad for you in the long run. Just remember to embrace the pause don't put too much energy into it just learn from it and move forward. NEXT!!

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Soul ties how they are created and how you break them

Sharing your soul with another person (through sexual union) creates a tie. The deepest soul tie is forged when two people engage in sexual intercourse and  become one flesh. Often that tie is a hard knot to untangle. Even though we can’t see it, a commingling of the souls occurs. Depending on the individual you will either create a toxic soul tie or a healthy spiritual one ,  “’And the two shall become one flesh; consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh.’” (Mark 10:8)
When you incorporate sex in a relationship before marriage you negate your rights to getting to know the person from the INSIDE out and that's the part that's needed so you can make a sensible choice about whether or not your creating a healthy soul tie and if  the person your dating is worth your time and most importantly if they are mental and emotion stable. When you have sex too soon in a relationship you turn your focus to the physical aspect of the person and turn away from the mental aspect. People show you who they are when you first meet them and if you take time to learn their personality before incorporating sex into the equation you most often will find your not even compatible with the person or they may have some personal or emotional issues that your unable to deal with. Once sex takes reign over the relationship people tend to become blinded by the reality that the person their involved with has some deep emotional issues and then it's hard to break away. The sex is so good and your getting the attention you crave. This is how crimes of passion evolve and  tv shows like snapped and fatal attraction can create so many episodes this is why the bible says sex should only be done under the covenant of marriage because if done this way you have taken the time to learn a person internally and learn to love them enough to make a commitment to them before GOD and once you've learned to love someone from the inside out from the beginning  the physical connecting only intensifies and makes it that much better. Most people refuse to wait because they  have developed the mindset of "what if were not sexually compatible?" Sex is what you make it. If there is a area in your sex life that's not fulfilling to you it's up to you and your mate to make it pleasurable for the both of you. As long as both parties are willing to put their one hundred percent into making sure each other is satisfied that shouldn't be the issue. Before you decide to give yourself  away in a sexual encounter consider  the risks of possibly being blinded by this person that you may not even know well enough to have a intelligent conversation with. Sex feels good while your in the act but after your done the remnants of the act will follow you and if your not careful it can be in the form of a unhealthy unnecessary time wasting relationship. Breaking a unhealthy soul tie can be done but once you've connected it's sometimes difficult to break the tie. If you feel your in a unhealthy soul tie with someone first start by praying and asking God to remove those from your life that don't have your best interest at heart once you do this just watch and see how God works on your behalf and you slowly but surely regain your peace and freedom. 

Thursday, March 3, 2016

How to free yourself from a fool

In life you must be very careful when seeking advice from other people because there are fools lurking in every aspect of your world. You have fools in your family, you work with fools ,you have attended school with some fools and some are even tied into business and marriages with fools . Being able to determine whether or  not a person is a fool is determined by your level of discernment. The Christian connotation of Discernment described  it as as a gift from the Holy Spirit that in the absence of judgement gives you the ability to obtain spiritual direction in certain matters so that you can use godly direction when dealing with them. Discernment can also simply mean the ability to judge well. This is what will help you to dissect whether or not a person is a fool or if they are speaking knowledge and wisdom. 
Romans 1:22 states some people will claim to be wise and profess to be smart but their foolish ways made simpletons of themselves. Some people are masters of manipulation they know how to use words to manipulate people into thinking they are speaking intelligently when in reality their words will never match their actions why? Because they are not capable of doing the things they speak about. They are delusional and their plan is  to keep you trapped into their web of foolishness, untruths and blatant lies. This is what classifies them as fools. A fool is basically a person that lacks proper judgment and common sense. Therefore we should not associate ourselves with people that express these traits. In order to classify them as a fool you must take time to listen to them and then allow more time to monitor their actions its at that time of patience you learn their words don't match the actions and now you have proof that you have a fool in the midst. It's never wise to allow the fool to run rampant in your life you must let them go and allow them to remain foolish some where else. If you let them go early it's not such a hard task but if you ignore the obvious red flags that are alerting you to the foolishness you can get stuck and find it more difficult to get away and then you will start to try and "fix them"   Proverbs 16:22 states giving instructions to a fool creates folly(more foolishness) . A fool can't be fixed by anyone other than God. Let them go pray for them and keep it moving.