Monday, December 30, 2013

The art of expectation



ex·pec·ta·tion
/ˌekspekˈtāSHən/
Noun
A strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
A belief that someone will or should achieve something.
Synonyms
expectancy - expectance - hope - anticipation - prospect

 Often times when a person allows another Individual to occupy their personal space they sometimes unintentionally place expectations on the relationship. When we are children we EXPECT our parents to raise us and take care of us until we are adults. When we enter into friendships with people we EXPECT them to be good friends have our best interest at heart and always have our back. When we enter into romantic relationships with people we EXPECT them to love us treat us good and never do anything to hurt us. while each one of these relationship carry a different meaning we still have the same type of expectations and that's for that person or persons to do the right thing by us. What we sometimes fail to realize is some openly aren't capable of doing the things we expect of them. and when we find ourselves in this type of situation disappointment sets in because now this person has not done what was expected of them when in reality they never knew how to from the beginning. As children we don't have as much control over this than we do as adults. As adults we must be careful who we allow into our personal space  and because we know at some point we are going to have expectations of people we must pay close attention to their actions early on so that we don't find ourselves placing unrealistic expectations on them. This will protect your heart from disappointment and let the person off the hook of being forced to be someone that they are not. Just because a person invited themselves into your circle does not mean they belong there and as individuals we must always set boundaries and protect our heart from those who don't belong or deserve to be in our lives. once we realize a person do not have our best interest at heart or are in capable of doing such we have a choice as to whether or not we are going to let them remain in our lives in that capacity. some people have to remain in our lives but not necessarily in our hearts. We must learn how to mentally release the expectation that these people will do right by us and accept them for who they are and handle  them accordingly. Although this maybe very hard to do its a necessary task if you wish to live a happy peaceful life.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Self Love

The only way to truly love another person in a fulfilling relationship is to first love you.  That goes far beyond saying" I love myself" it's so much deeper than the words. This is a situation where your actions will determine how you really feel about yourself. Self-love is acknowledging that you are not perfect and never will be. It's accepting your flaws and insecurities and facing them head on. It's acknowledging your hurt in other relationships and forgiving those who hurt or offended you. It's daily prayer asking God to help you along on your journey. It’s owning up to your mistakes and using them as learning tools instead of failures. It's about being open to rejection and failure because rejection only serves a negative purpose if you decide to own it rather than embrace it and uses it as being God’s grace. Its understanding that everything that happens for a reason and when something is taken from you it makes room for something better in your life. Self-love is recognizing that you are uniquely made and original there is no other like you. Recognizing that everyone you allow into your circle does not always deserve to remain there. It understands your worth and exercising your powers as a child of God to have faith in knowing that God is in control. When you get to the place in your journey where you are in love with yourself that's the moment life blossoms and begins to make sense.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Battling your mind

If you want your life to change then your mind must change first. So often we miss out on great career opportunities and  lose or miss out on healthy relationships because of the mindset we have at the time. There are so many entrepreneurs  on this earth that are working to make someone else wealthy because they have allowed their minds to tell them that they can't run their own business. They have the ideas the talent and some even have access to the monies needed to start a business but  they allow their fearful mindset to paralyze their vision and convince them that their dreams  and visions can never become a reality. In the tough economy that we live in today everyone should have multiple streams of income coming into their households. In order for this to be accomplished you have to have a confident and positive mindset. Your thoughts and faith have to be in alignment with each other in order for your mind to acknowledge your gifts  and talents and allow you to move forward in your destiny. Proverbs 23:7  reads "For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he". Another way to interpret this  is  where the mind goes the man follows. Whatever is going on on your mind is most likely what path your going to follow . Therefor we must always keep a positive mindset and never feel like you cant accomplish your goals and live out your dreams. Winning the battle of your mind requires constant prayer and self reinforcement that you can do whatever you  put your mind to and your visions can become a victory .
 

Planting the seeds of life


Planting starts with a seed and in the gardening sense if the seed planted begins to grow it will eventually turn into a tree and hopefully an orchard. So on every endeavor you take you are planting a seed be it a relationship a career move or a personal goal such as losing weight. Once you set your mind to something that is the seed being planted in your mind. However we all know if you don't water your seeds it will not grow.  Once the seed is planted you have to constantly water it with new ideas and new visions . As you plant your seed set goals and  set a time frame for that seed to grow. When tomatoes seeds are planted they are expected to be nice, red and ripe in 6-8 weeks. If after the waiting period the tomatoes have not grown it's a clear indication that the seeds that were planted were bad therefore they are DEAD.  The same is true in career seeds and relationship seeds if it doesn’t grow its dead and once something dies it does not come back to life. So at this point you must plant new seeds.  This is a huge mistake we all tend to make in relationships and career moves. We plant seed and when we don't see them growth instead of deeming that harvest dead and move on we want to try to revive it and make it work. You can't breathe life into dead things. And this goes for any situation in your life right now that's not growing. If it's dead it's time to bury it and move on. Now is the time in your journey to release all things that are dead and focus on new things and new possibilities.


Self Reflection

In order to maintain a healthy balanced relationship with yourself you have to constantly have self-reflection moments. These are the moments when you’re alone with your thoughts and you question yourself about your actions. Why did I do that? Why did I say that? Why did I allow them to treat me that way?  Why why why. These why times are perfect opportunities for you to get to know you and most importantly find out what you really want to accomplish on your journey. Oftentimes we  tend to put everyone else before our own self-care. This is unhealthy behavior. When you first begin your journey in self-reflection it's very scary. This is the time when you are forced to deal with yourself in an intimate manner and these are the time you may find out some things about yourself that you don't like. You are forced to deal with the person  in the mirror and oftentimes it not a pretty sight. However the more you practice the better it gets. You begin to fix the things about yourself that are displeasing. You begin to use this new found knowledge to gravitate you towards peace of mind in all areas of your life.  Self-reflection also has a great deal to do with you being emotionally capable of holding a leadership position or maintaining a healthy relationship. In order to maintain a balanced relationship with others the relationship we have with ourselves must be in good condition. Self-reflecting will allow this to take place   with a natural and spiritual approach. Self-reflecting gives us the perfect opportunity to own both our personality traits as well as our leadership traits. When you are able to recognize your own traits you are better equipped to effectively handle your relationships with others in both your personal and professional life. You must always be cognizant of the fact  that you are the common denominator  in a both your personal and professional relationships and daily self-reflecting will allow you to keep all of your relationships from becoming toxic. As you embark upon the journey of self-reflection you will learn to let go of all your inhibitions and start your journey to peace and happiness for many years to come.


The Bandaid theory

A band aid is used to cover up a painful wound. It's  made up of an adhesive that sticks to a certain part of the body and serves as a component to keep the wound from becoming infected. As the band aid stays on for a period of time its begins to get old and if left on too long it sticks to the skin which makes it very painful when you pull it off.The bandaid serves as a temporary relief to the painful wound but eventually it must come off to give the wound air and allow it to heal properly. This same theory can be applied to those  who enter into new relationships before allowing themselves to heal properly from a previous relationship. When coming out of a long term relationship it is very important that you take-essential time out to properly heal before entering into a new relationship. If you fail to do this the person that you enter into the new relationship with  who is referred to as the REBOUND will serve as your  human band aid. This person enters your life as a cover up. just as the band aid does a sore  they are covering up the pain from the lost relationship. they stick to the hurting heart(the wound) and appear to be healing you when in fact its just  a temporary agent to cover up the pain.  As with the band aid this person will stick for as long as they can and eventually will have to  be removed .Once they are removed you are still stuck with the same wounds. these wounds will not heal until the proper time has been allotted for the healing process to run its course. you can never use a person to get over a person the only way to properly heal from a broken relationship is to take time out to do a self reflection and focus on yourself and the things that went wrong in the broken relationship. Once you take that time out to do a personal and possible spiritual inventory of what went wrong in the broken relationship you then find yourself and can begin the healing process. Totally healing from a broken relationship allows you to first accept your faults and decide what it is that you really desire and need in a relationship. This self reflection time will ensure that when you are ready to enter into a new relationship that you have fully  accepted your part in the demise of the previous relationship and that you will not  make the same mistakes again. many people make the mistake of convincing themselves that  they cannot be alone this false notion will keep these individuals in a constant state of fear and bondage. As humans no one wants to be alone however if you cannot accept being alone then you will never be successful in any relationships. being with yourself for  a period of time allows you to get in tuned with you which in turn gives you the opportunity to leave behind the hurts from the past and move forward with loving yourself so that you will be mentally and spiritually able to properly love someone else.