Evaluate the pause

sometimes you can get into a situation with a person be it business or relationship  that was  consistent in the beginning and then all of a sudden there's a pause. You begin to wonder what happened? everything was going fine the communication is good and then all of a sudden a pause. All communications cease. Depending on our mindset at the time our first instinct is to think we did something wrong or when its involving a  relationship maybe they are just not that into us but what if they were pursuing you?They had to be interested in you to pursue you right?.These questions linger in our heads with no answers to follow so instead of looking at the pause as a bad thing or rejection take that time to evaluate the pause because there's a lesson in the reason why there was  indeed a pause. Ladies this is not the time to start chasing him and pursuing him if he started off pursuing you and he stopped there's a reason behind it and chasing him is not the answer.This is time to get quiet get still and pray about it. If indeed you have been praying about your life and your situations this is the time to wait and  see what the holy spirit has to reveal. Once you ask God about it he will reveal to you what you need to hear but you have to be still to get it. During your still time you are evaluating the pause. It could be a number of reasons the pause occurred but its not your job to figure it out you let time reveal the reason for the pause. When your confident about what you bring to the table in a relationship or a friendship and for whatever reason someone fails to continue communicating with you its a clear indication that something is going on with them and if they are not mature enough to express it to you then your probably better off without them. A pause is not always a bad thing it could be Gods way of removing a person that could potentially be bad for you in the long run. Just remember to embrace the pause don't put too much energy into it just learn from it and move forward. NEXT!!

Soul ties how they are created and how you break them

Sharing your soul with another person (through sexual union) creates a tie. The deepest soul tie is forged when two people engage in sexual intercourse and  become one flesh. Often that tie is a hard knot to untangle. Even though we can’t see it, a commingling of the souls occurs. Depending on the individual you will either create a toxic soul tie or a healthy spiritual one ,  “’And the two shall become one flesh; consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh.’” (Mark 10:8)

When you incorporate sex in a relationship before marriage you negate your rights to getting to know the person from the INSIDE out and that's the part that's needed so you can make a sensible choice about whether or not your creating a healthy soul tie and if  the person your dating is worth your time and most importantly if they are mental and emotion stable. When you have sex too soon in a relationship you turn your focus to the physical aspect of the person and turn away from the mental aspect. People show you who they are when you first meet them and if you take time to learn their personality before incorporating sex into the equation you most often will find your not even compatible with the person or they may have some personal or emotional issues that your unable to deal with. Once sex takes reign over the relationship people tend to become blinded by the reality that the person their involved with has some deep emotional issues and then it's hard to break away. The sex is so good and your getting the attention you crave. This is how crimes of passion evolve and  tv shows like snapped and fatal attraction can create so many episodes this is why the bible says sex should only be done under the covenant of marriage because if done this way you have taken the time to learn a person internally and learn to love them enough to make a commitment to them before GOD and once you've learned to love someone from the inside out from the beginning  the physical connecting only intensifies and makes it that much better. Most people refuse to wait because they  have developed the mindset of "what if were not sexually compatible?" Sex is what you make it. If there is a area in your sex life that's not fulfilling to you it's up to you and your mate to make it pleasurable for the both of you. As long as both parties are willing to put their one hundred percent into making sure each other is satisfied that shouldn't be the issue. Before you decide to give yourself  away in a sexual encounter consider  the risks of possibly being blinded by this person that you may not even know well enough to have a intelligent conversation with. Sex feels good while your in the act but after your done the remnants of the act will follow you and if your not careful it can be in the form of a unhealthy unnecessary time wasting relationship. Breaking a unhealthy soul tie can be done but once you've connected it's sometimes difficult to break the tie. If you feel your in a unhealthy soul tie with someone first start by praying and asking God to remove those from your life that don't have your best interest at heart once you do this just watch and see how God works on your behalf and you slowly but surely regain your peace and freedom. 

How to free yourself from a fool

In life you must be very careful when seeking advice from other people because there are fools lurking in every aspect of your world. You have fools in your family, you work with fools ,you have attended school with some fools and some are even tied into business and marriages with fools . Being able to determine whether or  not a person is a fool is determined by your level of discernment. The Christian connotation of Discernment described  it as as a gift from the Holy Spirit that in the absence of judgement gives you the ability to obtain spiritual direction in certain matters so that you can use godly direction when dealing with them. Discernment can also simply mean the ability to judge well. This is what will help you to dissect whether or not a person is a fool or if they are speaking knowledge and wisdom. 

Romans 1:22 states some people will claim to be wise and profess to be smart but their foolish ways made simpletons of themselves. Some people are masters of manipulation they know how to use words to manipulate people into thinking they are speaking intelligently when in reality their words will never match their actions why? Because they are not capable of doing the things they speak about. They are delusional and their plan is  to keep you trapped into their web of foolishness, untruths and blatant lies. This is what classifies them as fools. A fool is basically a person that lacks proper judgment and common sense. Therefore we should not associate ourselves with people that express these traits. In order to classify them as a fool you must take time to listen to them and then allow more time to monitor their actions its at that time of patience you learn their words don't match the actions and now you have proof that you have a fool in the midst. It's never wise to allow the fool to run rampant in your life you must let them go and allow them to remain foolish some where else. If you let them go early it's not such a hard task but if you ignore the obvious red flags that are alerting you to the foolishness you can get stuck and find it more difficult to get away and then you will start to try and "fix them"   Proverbs 16:22 states giving instructions to a fool creates folly(more foolishness) . A fool can't be fixed by anyone other than God. Let them go pray for them and keep it moving. 

open letter from the one who let you get away

I know I'm not on your level and I have a ways to go until I can get there. I promised myself I wouldn't come after you until I could give you a 110% of what you deserve. I know you've done a great deal of growing and I can see the change in you. I was trying to keep up but somewhere along the ride I fell off the bike. I'm not going to step to you and interfere your greatness  because I know your not going to put up with me. I know what I'm bringing to the table does not meet your standards. So in the meantime I will go out and I will find women that have not yet found their worth and don't require much in a mate. their only requirement is that I show up and be a warm body in the bed next to them and in exchange they will cater to me and adore me even in my foolishness. With these women I don't have to do much work. I will convince them that I love them when I really don't.These type of women don't put much focus on  actions so all I have to do is show up say a few kind words make some empty promises and take what they are giving me. I will use them and fake love them until they either get tired or I get tired of faking. My heart will always be with you because your the one I love I realized I messed things up with you and I will always regret that but my inability to be with myself and take time to heal keeps me searching for and choosing poor replicas of you. I cant believe I'm saying these things but I need to be honest with you. for some reason my conscious always kicks in where you are concerned. I wont take up anymore of your time just continue to pray for me and one day maybe I can grow to be the man you needed me to be and that God designed me to be.

The dangers of dealing with emotionally unavailable people

Many people are physically available but not as many are emotionally available and when you desire both but chose to settle for one the relationship will not be sturdy because the foundation on which it was built was shaky from the beginning. God says he will give us the desires of our heart but after we ask him we must be diligent and patient in waiting for HIM to deliver because if impatience sets in and you get tired of waiting for HIM you will choose somebody on your own and if you choose a emotionally unavailable person you will never get the desires of your heart fulfilled. You'll get something but its not going to be what you desired. Its easy to be physically available all you have to do is simply just show up. Your body is there and  its doing the physical thing that you desire. The emotional piece is different to be emotionally available you must be free of all emotional attachments to the lovers and mates  from your past. How can you tell if someone is emotionally unavailable? When they speak often of  a person in their past as if they are not over the relationship. When they are still dealing with and entertaining  drama concerning a past relationship and they can't seem to get past it this normally is a red flag that they are still emotionally tied to this person. When dealing with a emotionally unavailable person you must understand  that because they are still partially tied to a completely different person they can't be fully tied to you. Emotional attachment means their heart still belongs to another person and two people cant have one persons heart. You know their heart doesn't belong to you when they still feel the need to protect the other person and no matter what this person does they continue to entertain them this doesn't  make you a bad person it just makes you not yet fully available to a person that's whole and emotionally available. When you realize your not emotionally available you should take some time to self reflect and focus on getting past the hurt that keeps you emotionally tied to another person and work on releasing it so that you can one day show up in a relationship being a whole person and not just the physical half.

did you pick them or Did God send them ?

When a woman reaches a place in  life where she is tired of making wrong choices in men and doing it her way and she desires a real meaningful relationship she will seek God for help. She will get to the place where she begins to pray and ask God to send her a man. The tricky part in praying and asking God to send you people you must first have a relationship with God meaning you talk to him daily not just when you want something and when you talk to him you have the capacity to hear the small still voice speaking back to you.  Once you reach this level you then must  also realize just as God hears you so does the devil.When we pray and ask God for a mate we automatically assume he is the only one who hears us so as soon as we are approached by a man who we are  physically attracted to we automatically think its from God this is not always the case.When we think God has answered our prayer we tend to let our guard down. We may say to ourselves " I prayed for a man here he is so God must have sent him and he must be the one for me".This may seem true in the very beginning so we choose this person and pursue a relationship with them. As your getting to know them if your truly connected to God in a intimate way and this  person is mr wrong God will send the red flags that's proof he didn't construct this union but if your not in tune with listening to him and your more focused on what your flesh is saying  you will ignore the red flags. Red flags are sent to warn you that something is not quite right with a person. They are the signs that show you that your not equally yolked. Sometimes we will see that we're not equally yolked but we will stay thinking we can change the person or the person will eventully change. This is  not the person that was sent by God. When God sends our mate there will be no change required he will make sure that they are equipped with everything needed to be the ideal mate designed just for you. Choosing to stay with a person that God didn't send you will lead you down a road of frustration and misery. Once you get fed up with choosing the wrong people and start relying on God to place people in your life this is when you'll start to entertain the right people and the wrong people will fall away. This is when life gets exciting. Now is good time to evaluate your relationships and ask yourself did I pick them or did God send them. Once you get the answer be gentle with yourself and take the necessary steps to make things right.

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Discernment: The gift that keeps on giving

She realizes she had discernment when people from her past would tell her  how something she had given them advice about turned out to be true. When people would say to her I should have listened to you because you were right. It was then that she realized what she had something very special and she had to be careful  because  if not handled correctly and dealt with in the correct mindset it would lead to the frustration of trying to convince people of something that only God wanted her to know.

 She was learning when her discernment showed her something it wasn't always for her the share. When you try to convince people of things that they are not yet ready to receive you will be viewed as being bitter, judgmental, critical, and mean. although the information your speaking may be true if a person is not in the mindset to receive it they may attack you with hurtful words.  Initially she was offended but later she decided to use it as a teachable moment and figure out why they felt this way about her. She knew deep in her spirit she wasn't any of those things. She definitely wasn't being judgmental because much of the advice she had given out to people was about things that she had experienced herself and it proved not to be fruitful or beneficial to her. She was merely trying to help them out so that they wouldn't have to go through what she went through. She couldn't understand how that was coming across as judgmental until it was revealed to her the information that she was revealing was only supposed to be for her. This was information God had download to her for her own personal healing it wasn't necessarily  meant to share with others. This is where she made her mistake they became offended because she was delivering the message prematurely. The offense set in because they were not at a place spiritually where they were ready to receive what she was saying. She finally came to the realization that everything was not meant to be repeated everything that she knew other people may not have been ready to receive it. Once she started to own that important piece of knowledge she began to monitor what she said to people and how she said it and suddenly she wasn't so amped up to tell people about themselves and what she knew about them. She got quiet and allowed silence and prayer to speak on her behalf.

 The beauty in the gift....

When you're gifted with the spirit of discernment sometimes more often than none God will show you things about people not for you to run and tell everybody but he shows you these things about certain people so you can deal with the person. How others view them or see them is none of your business. God shows you certain characteristics about people that it may take others years to see. This doesn't mean that you must convince the world of their character flaws. it’s information that God has downloaded to your spirit so that you can deal with the person in the manner that you need to. Discernment is not a tool given to place judgement on others it’s a gift from God that if used properly will allow you to live a life free from malice because your gift has showed you everything you need to know. I encourage you to pray for discernment and the wisdom to deal with it properly and I promise you won't be disappointed by the results.